My Sport Can Beat Up Your Sport

As I said yesterday. Fantasy Football is for fools. Fantasy Baseball will always be way better. Here's why:

10. Fantasy Baseball Has Manny: Not only is this guy a great REAL player, but he's the great fantasy player as well. And if you draft him, you get to watch him EVERY night. Granted, he won't steal many bases, but if outfielders cutting off throws were a category, he'd win. Sure, the Patriots had some great fantasy player to root for like Moss and Brady, but you probably didn't have Brady on your team because.....

9. Stupid Guys Like Willie Parker, Frank Gore, and Stephen Jackson Get Drafted Before All Stars: This is without doubt the stupidest thing about fantasy football (and so it should probably be number one). Everyone admits that in real football, you need a quarterback and that you can't win without one. We also now that there are two guys who can actually play the position well in the whole world. But for some strange reason, fantasy football makes these guys- who play the leagues most important position- go in the middle rounds. Where did the best player in football get picked last year? The fourth round? Fifth? Sixth? Alex Rodriguez is the best player in baseball and Albert Pujols is the second best. Guess where they go in a baseball draft? One, two.

8. In Baseball, You Get What You Pay For: Short of some freak injury, if you take David Oriz in the first round you get... David Ortiz. The same cannot be said for stupid football where first rounders are routinely underproductive or in fact, hurt. Back when I participated a few years ago, you had to take either Marshall Faulk or Priest Holmes at about the six pick, yet everyone knew these two were going to get hurt. It's weird. Imagine Rocco Baldelli HAVING to be a six pick? Stupid. Just stupid.

7. Baseball Has Guys That Look Like Us: Did you see that picture of Beckett as he threw a pitch and his shirt lifted up in the Globe? It was awesome. The guy made Phil Mickelson look fit. And then there's the reigning Cy Young Award winner. If you were to play a pick up game of ANYTHING, C.C. would be the last picked. But in baseball? He receives one of the most prestigious year end awards.

6. Fantasy Baseball Has Pedro And His Quotes: Granted, football has the two of the funnier sports moments of the last five years in "straight cash homey" and a dude doing sit ups in his driveway, but nothing is better than Pedro. Three classics that support this:
"I dominated the era and I did it clean."
"Who is Karim Garcia? I have no respect for that guy."
"Wake up the damn Bambino and have him face me. Maybe I'll drill him in the ass."

5. Setting Your Lineups: If I have to listen to one more ass clown tell me how he, "sat so and so because he was going against a tough defense and then he exploded," then I'm going to toss my cookies. You know what? DON'T SIT THE DUDE!!! And in what sort of fantasy sport do you sit good dudes because of who they are playing? Imagine sitting Kobe because he's going against lock down defender Bruce Bowen. Or benching Ryan Howard because he's facing two tough lefties in a row. Stupid fantasy sport with stupid over analyzing.

4. Stars, Stars, Stars: Fantasy baseball has them, fantasy football doesn't (who is this random Packers running back predicted to go high in fantasy football drafts? You know who goes high in fantasy baseball drafts? Johan Santana. Heard of him?). Sure, there are guys in fantasy football who put up great numbers in an individual year, but on a consistent, year in and year out basis, there are very few real stars with the exception of Brady and Manning. And as in said in number nine... Well, read number nine again...

3. Devin Hester: On the few occassions I've watched Sportscenter during the NFL season, I see this dude who apperas to be the most exciting player in football. He returns kicks on a regular basis and apparently, opposing teams have developed a strategy to NOT ALLOW HIM TO TOUCH THE BALL UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. Guess where he gets drafted? Oh that's right, he doesn't. Jose Reyes is the most exciting player in baseball. I think he gets drafted. 17th round usually, but he's definitely drafted.

2. Tony Romo: He is the third guy picked at quite possibly the most important position in all of sport. And he's Tony Romo.

1. Without Fantasy, The NFL Would Be Nothing: Give me a second here. I understand the the NFL has currently supplanted my binkie, baseball, as Americas most popular sport (which is actually fine, since I hate most of America). But here's why: Fantasy. Where other leagues shun this dork ass world of fantasy sports, football EMBRACES IT!!! There are Fantasy Advice segments of pre-game shows. There is a Fantasy Corner column in one of the world's biggest newspapers, The Boston Globe. Networks track fantasy stats with a ticker along the bottom of the screen. ESPN has a television show in which celebrities (quasi celebrities that is) participate in a fantasy football draft.

Football knows that it is such a lame sport so they have EMBRACED fantasy and its geeks in order to garner more fans. I mean honestly, are you really watching that Bengals vs. Broncos game on Monday night if you didn't have, "Johnson and Cutler going tonight?" I'll tell you the answer to that. You wouldn't. Wanna know how I know? Because when you don't have a fantasy team, you could not care less.

Think about it. YOU don't have a fantasy hockey team and you are certainly not watching a Penguins/Capitals game on Monday night. Sure you can say you don't like hockey and it's boring, but this is a game that has two stars in Ovechkin and Crosby and you STILL won't watch it. Yet if they were on your fantasy hockey team, you most certainly would. I guarantee it. Try not having a fantasy football team one year and notice how free your Sundays are. Yes, you will always watch your home team because you are a fan, but if the Pats are playing Monday night and you are fantasy football free, I guarantee you will not spend you Saturday watching Marshaun Lynch and Michael Pittman (does he still play?)

And the NFL knows this. So they embrace fantasy in the hopes of keeping viewership at all time highs. Poo-poo (I just wrote poo twice) my theory all you want, but if you really think about it, you might just admit that I have a point. Albeit a relatively miniscule one.

Well, back to Rotoworld for me sports fans. I gotta see some updates on the Mariners and A's fifth starters.