Seven You Should Know How To Make

Especially if you are a man. Well, definitely if you are a man. And as we all know, I am SUCH a man...

As for the ladies? Well, I guess you can judge a man buy these skills. And coming from a man of my stature, this should be gold.

7. Coffee- You could be snowed in on a Sunday. You could be camping with nary a Starbucks in sight. You could have your barista call in sick and have to settle for a Dunks. You could be a husband who wakes up before his wife. You could be a single man sleeping with a woman for the first time and want to make a good impression. Or you could just not like leaving your house.

Whatever type of man you are, you need to know how to make coffee. And it is preferable if you know how to make a GOOD cup of coffee. If you don't know your Sanka from your bold, here are a few tips: Buy a grind and brew, buy the light brown filters, and buy a good pound of whole bean coffee (nothing less than $10 a pound and if you like your coffee extra caffeniated, buy a lighter colored bean). And know the ratio. A scoop of beans for every five ounces of coffee. And keep some cream on hand.

6. Wings- Grill them (whole wings, over medium), slow cook them (buy yourself a crock pot), or deep fry them (use only corn oil and lightly flour them if you can't master the correct crispiness). Make them buffalo style, barbecue, or dry rub them with a nice cajun seasoning. But just know how to make these. You may have to host a fantasy draft or you may get invited to a pot luck that your wife can't make (she would have made the artichoke dip and that seems to wimpy to bring if you're flying solo). Or you may get invited to a pot luck and just have gotten dumped. Whatever the scenario, all men should know how to make an appetizer and as any Chili's menu will tell you, wings are an appetizer. They are also shockingly simple, yet always a big hit.

5. A Dessert- Just as you should know how to cook an appetizer, you should also know how to create a dessert. Look, we can all go to the Whole Foods dessert counter and get something cool, but desserts are meant to be homemade. Many cookie recipes made from scratch are shockingly simple and imagine you showed up at that pot luck with some homemade chocolate chip cookies (put some shaved milk chocolate in along with the Ghiradelli chocolate chips for a delicious taste AND proof you made them from scratch)? Or imagine for your wife/girlfriends birthday, you made a dozen red velvet cupcakes instead of picking up the carvel cake?!? You'd have carte blanch on card games and Schwarzenegger movies on Bravo for a month. You can also impress the hell out of a female co-worker you get in Secret Santa if you give a final gift of your own homemade gingerbread cookies in a Pottery Barn cookie jar (did that sound manly or just real gay?)..

Just learn how to make a dessert, huh? For fuck's sake, make a trifle. It's pudding, whipped cream, angel food cake, and booze. And if you can't impress those female colleagues with a cookie, you may as well get them drunk, right?

4. A Playlist- And I'm not talking a playlist for that girl you like. I'm talking about a playlist for ANY occassion. There will come a time in your life when you will host a party that doesn't involve kegs of Icehouse and a $5 Solo cup. And when you host said party, you might be having a guest list that doesn't include a roomful of dudes wearing backwards white basbeall hats and so those Phish live at MSG and Cypress Hill CDs just won't cut it anymore. So you HAVE to know how to make a playlist. But it's not just the party that matters, it's also who is going to be there and for how long. You're going to have men who purchased only one CD this year and that was Chinese Democracy. You're also going to have the man who is so indie, he listens to bands that don't even exist yet. And then you are going to have that woman who really likes dance music. So the playlist has to pander to EVERY guest.

You also need playlists that cater to moods. If it's late night and everyone is now just smoking up and the neighbors have already come by, then you have to be ready for that. You really have to be ready for anything, but most importantly, you never want someone to leave and say the music sucked. That would be dreadful. In golf, all you need is one good shot to make you return the next week. In playlist land, all you need is one good song to make the party goers want to return next week.

3. A Margarita-There is only one way to make a margarita, so pay very close attention and do not fuck this up. Get a good Silver tequila (Don Julio works well), Cointreau (triple sec? No.), fresh squeezed limes, several ice cubes, salt, and a heavy base whiskey glass (those stupid maragarita glasses you got as a gift? Throw them in the trash.). Rim the glass with salt. Fill the glass with ice. Add equal parts tequila and lime juice. Put in a splash of Cointreau. Throw in a lime wedge. Stir twice and serve. And if you even THINK about pouring a drop of that tequila into a blender filled with frozen bananas, then you are no man. You are a bartender at the Border Cafe in Saugus.

2. Pancakes- Never was there a manlier food to make. Sure, they are practically a pastry, but think about the best pancake you ever ate. It was made by a man, wasn't it? Besides, you'll one day be a dad and you'll win World's Best Dad if you master the pancake (especially if you have a daughter because while some tool bag Von Douche of a man may replace you someday, they will never to be able to replace YOUR pancakes).

Hint: Use buttermilk instead of regular milk, grease the pan with a butter soaked paper towel, toss the first batch, add some chocolate chips and spoon some powdered sugar on the stack just before you serve it. Your daughter's husband is fucked.

1. A Cheeseburger- Every piece of literature I read says that a man MUST know how to make a good steak. But every man already knows that. What not every man knows how to make is a good burger. They overcook them, they make them too small, and they don't get the right bun. There are not five episodes/issues of The Phantom Gourmet, Boston Magazine, The Boston Globe Magazine, or The Improper Bostonian that go by that do not have a "Best Burger In Boston" list. We'll drive 45 minutes out of the way to get a good burger, yet none of us know how to make them even though they are preposterously easy to make. Put together your own patties out of 85%-90% lean meat; season them with salt and pepper, grill over medium. Flip them three minutes earlier than you think you should flip them (just FLIP them for crissakes!!! NOW!!! It's not chicken!!!! You're not getting salmonella if there a bit pink!!!). Throw on the Hoffman sharp cheddar cheese a minute after flipping them. Butter up and grill a not overly huge sesame seed bun. Have some tomatoes, lettuce, and grilled onions on hand, plate and serve.

With the margarita and after the wings would be ideal.

If you know how to make these seven things and make them well, then you are officially a man.

This from a man who is currently styling himself after a character he just saw in a movie, so you know he is truly a manly man.

Seven You Should See

So recently, a few things have happened regarding my blog career...

1. I am fully aware it is going nowhere, but that's cool because I still like it and have other potential avenues to explore.

2. As I said, I like it, but I think might need a more specified niche to make it go somewhere.

3. I have two ideas for a very specific blog, one is about candy bars (which seems painfully lame, but keep in mind, three Jewish Brothers with no knowledge of the food industry have a show that everyone I know references) and the other is called Seven You Should See.

Seven You Should See will be debuted right now.

Really, Seven You Should See will eventually run out, but it could turn into Seven You Should...

And then it could morph into antyhing.

Seven Beers You Should Drink, Seven Songs From 1996 You Should Download, Seven Pieces A Male Should Have In His Wardrobe.

But for now, Seven You Should... Will be Seven You Should See. Mostly because I like movies and mostly because I think I know more about movies than you. It also works because I am painfully comfortable writing about movies. But really, it works because I think you actually might take something from it. And without sounding all Jake From The Bachelorette on you, I might have something to offer you with this. So, here is my first Seven You Should See. And the inagural Seven You Should See category is romantic comedy because recently I saw He's just not that into you (sic) and it wasn't near as bad as people said, yet it wasn't near as good as a picture as some of the (I-Have-A-Secret-Crush-On) romantic comedies I have seen in the past. So, without further ado, here is Seven Romantic Comedies You Should See.

But before I get into this, I obviously need to qualify... Because it wouldn't be a Big G post if it weren't five thousand words, no?

And to qualify, I must ask (without really caring what you think) what is a romantic comedy? Because, the term, according to Netflix, Boxofficemojo, and iMDB can be pretty ambiguous.

Well, to me, a romantic comedy is a ROMANTIC COMEDY. And since the first word is ROMANTIC, then it has to be a romance first. It can't be a straight up comedy that happens to have a love story like There's Something About Mary, Knocked Up, So I Married An Axe Murderer, or Clueless (which for me would fall in my NEXT category: High school movies). It also can't be an 80s flick like Pretty In Pink (called a rom-com) or Can't Buy Me Love. Again, that's a different category.

So, with my rules in mind (since it is my blog) here are my Seven Rom-Coms To See. I only hope you have the energy to rebut my choice of genre or film. I mean, give me something people!!!

7. She's The One- Is it a rom-com? I say yes, simply because of John Mahoney and if you're old like me, you'll remember that this is what made rom-com, rom-coms (if that makes sense). No easy answers, an against the grain ending, a bunch of laughs, hot girls (Cameron Diaz at her finest), some unlikeable couples, and some likeable couples. Call this the He's just not that into you (sic) blueprint. Good work Eddie Burns...

6. Bull Durham- Not a rom-com you say?!? A sports movie?!? I say bullshit. It has always fascinated me how this is classified as a "sports" film. Short of happening to have baseball as the Macguffin, this is a complete rom-com. Sports guys can get away with saying they like it because it is minor league baseball. Really, they like it because the old, washed up has been (who just happens to be a pretty damn good looking Kevin Costner) steals the girl from the young, cool stud. Any way you cut it, it's a great film that you must see, sports aside, because it's a shockingly good love story that weathers time very well.

5. 13 Going On 30- The very definition of a rom-com. It's also a Big rip off, but ripping off an American classic is not exactly a bad idea. Mark Ruffalo crushes it (the best American actor you've never heard of) and Jennifer Gardner makes you forget that she is Ben Affleck's wife. This is a movie you can watch with your girlfriend/wife as a "favor" and you'll end up loving. It has some lines that are so creative and so well written, including a classic by Ruffalo in which he somehow manages to equate his love for a girl and his love for Razzles in the same sentence without either the girl or the audience knowing.

4. Hitch- If you've read my blog or had a conversation with me over the past four years, you know my odd love for this movie. This IS what rom-coms should be. Funny, believable, heartfelt, and happy. Yeah, none of us look like Eva Mendes, Amber Valetta or Will Smith. And Kevin James would never get that girl, but somehow it all makes sense. And the Eva Mendes/Will Smith conversation in the bar over martinis is one I so wish I wrote. And I don't say that often.

3. Love Actually- Feeling like you hate your love life and you want to settle in with Ben, Jerry, a 12 Pack of Pabst and a flick? Then get this. Like Hitch, the perfect rom-com, only better. There's something for everyone here and while the Laura Linney brother story hurts it, the perfect acting brings it to a near four star level. Hugh Grant is at his absolute best and he literally makes me crack up three times (what the hell was that sound he made when his aide called his love interest fat?!?). Then there is Bill Nighy... Comedic genius... But the payoff is when Mark (Andrew Lincoln) shows up at Juliet's (Kiera Knightley) door. There's the rom to Bill Nighy's com. And there's a virtually perfect picture...

2. The American President- For years, I have been telling people to see this film. People may call it strictly a rom and not a com, but if they do, then they haven't seen Michael J. Fox light up this film. How it did not get the credit it deserved, I'll never know, but what I do know is that it is Michael Douglas at his finest. To refresh your memory, Mr. Douglas's three movies prior to this were pictures where he played a sex fiend (Basic Instinct), a gun toting lunatic (Falling Down), and a dude who got a blowjob from a hottie while he was married (no, not Fatal Attraction, but Disclosure), so I think that ultimately hurt the movie. But to say that at the time, he was pigeonholed would be an understatement. But after those three roles, he took the part as widower president Andrew Shepherd and he absolutely crushed it. He is literally the most likeable Michael Douglas has ever been- and that includes his Romancing The Stone Days. I watch this movie every time it is on TV and it is what rom-coms should be. The film has the best presidential press conference I've ever seen ("You want a character debate Bob? You better stick with me because Sydney Ellen Wade is way out of you league") and also not to be missed are Mr. Douglas's scenes with Martin Sheen playing pool ("No, but I could always pass her a note before study hall"). Awesome.

1. High Fidelity- If you haven't read this blog before, allow me to introduce myself... My name is Big G. I am Rob Gordon. And if you have read this blog and still haven't seen this movie, why shame on you. And if you have read this blog and HAVE seen this movie, what else did you expect?!? Just watch it again, okay?

Honorable Mention: About A Boy (Couldn't do two Nick Hornby, could I?), The Sweetest Thing (man Cameron can fill out a dress), Benny and Joon, and Just Like Heaven.

You Must Absolutely Miss Because They Are Beyond Bad: Singles, Six Days Seven Nights (that hurt Indiana/Han Solo), Bird On A Wire, Reality Bites, and The Last Kiss (neither a romance, nor a comedy... Just one of the stupidest films I've ever seen).

My Man! And It's About Goddamn Time!!!

If you haven't been watching The Bachelorette or have it on tivo, this is a spoiler. So be aware... If you couldn't care less then read on...

Okay.. You're good?

Good.

Because what I am about to say will annoy you.

Wes is the man...

For those of you that follow The Bachelorette, I am fully aware that this makes me sound like a douchebag. But allow me to speak.

For whatever number of years, ABC had perpetrated the fraud the The Bachelor/Bachelorette is somehow a valuable television show. TAnd more pathetic, they have convinced the audience that it is legit. ABC has convinced everyone that the people who go on this show are seeking "true love." Why people still buy into this idea is fascinating, but it also makes me understand why the divorce rate in the USA is 50%. Yes, this sounds crass, but it's a fact. I barely buy have the relationships I'm surrounded by, let alone the ones on TV.

Anyways, in the 17 seasons (yes, there have been 17 seasons of The Bachelor/Bacholrette) of the show, there has been exactly one relationship that has worked. We all know that to be Trista and Ryan. I don't have a calcualtor right in front of me, but I believe that 1 for 17 is even less than 50%, so in truth, The Bachelor/Bachelorette does nothing to help people find true love. And that's why the hate of the character Wes is amazing.

For those of you not interested in the show, let me explain to you what is happening.

Wes is a douche baggy guy from Texas who I would NEVER be friends with. He came on the show to promote his "Alt Rock Country" album at the advice of his management. He also came on the show with a full fledged girlfriend.

And with said girlfriend (who was apparently in on the whole thing because Wes made no bones about having a girlfriend while on the show) in hand, Wes made it into the final four where, in the limo, he admitted he had a girlfriend and was on the show to promote his album. It was reality show hall of fame material.

Now, true to form, every "respectful" girl in America had a meltdown. They claimed Wes was a conniving bastard who was on the show solely to promote his alt country album. Every week, the women of America HATED that Wes got a rose because- as the viewer- they knew he had a girlfriend and was on the show with the sole purpose to promote his album.

But a funny thing happened along the way. Wes became the Bachelorette's version of Puck.

And by this, I mean he became so hateable that you had to watch the show. He was a prick with a girlfriend who readily admitted he was on the show to promote his album. He was hated by everyone.

But you know what I say? Good for him.

I'm not doing this to be contrarian.

Yeah, he manipulated a girl and played with her heart, but a lot of us have done that. And to his credit, he never said he was doing anything differetly. From the very first episode, he made his intentions clear to the people around him. But yet every week, that dumb ass Canadien bitch gave him a rose and while the rest of society hated Wes, I said this: Good for you.

I know that Wes is a von douche and he and like I said, I would never be friends with him (unless he let me hit his sister who was SMOKIN when we saw her on the home visit). But good for him for exploiting the show. Because this show has somehow bamboozled the masses. Every person I know who has watched it HATES Wes and that's fine. He's a hateable guy. But why not hate the bachelor and bachelorette who have come on this how to advance their respective career?!? Do you all forget that fuckin Bob Gainey was a bachelor, but only after he lost 80 pounds and released an album?!? Do we not forget that this bachelorette was a chick who was bounced from the previous bachelor?!? I mean, everybody who goes onto a reality television shows goes on there for a reason?!? They all have an angle. I guarantee that stupid "nice guy" Jake will be the next Bacelor. Did he not go on their for a reason?!?

So for the first time in Bachelor/Bachelorette history, a guy went on the show with a clear, specific agenda. And he admitted it. Let's face facts folks: It's TV. Everyone goes on with an agenda, only Wes (Puck) is the first to admit it. Yet because of his in your face ways, America hated him. But all he did was the same thing everyone else on reality TV has done only he was stupid enough to ADMIT that's why he was doing it.

But in my eyes, I respect him because at least he was honest about it.

And what did that get him?

Hatred from anyone with ovaries.

And that's bullshit. And here's why:

ABC ALLOWED him on the show. And not only that, but they played his albums. If this thing wasn't as rigged as the card game in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, then I don't know what is.

Every single person on that stupid show comes on with an agenda, but because they want to look like Jesus Christ, they act overly nice (like Jake, the next Bachelor. And remember, you heard it here first) and force a personality.

But Wes never did.

And in a society that supposedly hates fakes, why would we hate on Wes?

As I said, he is a douche, but really, all Wes did was take his 15 minutes of fame and try to parlay it into something big; just as EVERY PERSON on a reality show ties to do. The only difference is that Wes NEVER PRETENDED to be anything different, while everyone else does.

So really, why not give Wes some love?!?

He is hateable because he is so EASY to hate, but really, how is he different from anyone else on reality television?!? He saw his chance and he took it. As Simon Cowell has always said, you're going to step on a few people on the way to the top. And that's exactly what Wes did.

But, because ABC has somehow bamboozled people into thinking this is a real dating shiw, Wes got crushed. But all he did was take an opportunity to try to advance his career, just as the current bachelorette is doing.

So, when this whole thing unfolds and we see the episode "The Bachelorette, After the Rose" and learn that that Canadien bitch is not with Ed because they "couldn't work it out," then really, who gives a fuck what Wes did?!?

Ultimately, I think everyone hates Wes because they have all met a Wes once in their lives. Everyone has met met a guy or a girl who has played them and destroyed them. But where those people and Wes are different is that at least Wes always admitted he was playing people.

And in the end, that's why I love Wes. Yeah he's a douche bag, but at least he was an HONEST douche bag.

And shame on that chick for not seeing through that scam, but more importantly, shame on ABC for allowing Wes to be on that show because they knew his schtick. And they went for it, for ratings sake.

So hate Wes all you want, but hate ABC more because they made Wes.

Ultimately, I say good for Wes. He's watched people manipulate that show for years, so why shouldn't he get his too?!?

Hate Wes all you want ladies, but if you hate Wes, then stop watching reality TV because everyone on relaity TV is in it for the same reasons Wes was.

Themselves.