You Didn't REALLY Expect To See Someone Else In The Picture, Did You?

Give me a little bit of a break for the pic to the right. I mean, it's been 23 posts and I haven't dropped a photog of him yet. I know you were all figuring I had to post about him sometime and alas, you got it.

At least one of you is already calling my list bullshit. I love it. It's sparking discussion. Let's keep it rolling.....

10. Don Cheadle- He sneaks in riding a WAVE of phenomenal roles. Firstly, he has his Crowning Achievment for Hotel Rawanda. Yes, I know the movie was flawed with it's Disney like portrayal of the genocide perpetrated against the Tutsis by the Hutus, but that does not take away from Cheadle's ridiculous performance as Rusesabagina in this film. And then he had another great performance in Talk To Me along with tremendous smaller roles in Crash, Boogie Nights, Devil In A Blue Dress and Out of Sight. He also showed some range playing Basher in The Ocean's Trilogy.

But where Cheadle kills me is in Traffic. Here, he fills my "regular guy" requirement, and I truly fall in love with his character after the death of his partner. Everything has gone wrong for him and yet you somehow still believe that he will be successful as a DEA Agent. You KNOW he will get his man, even if it takes twenty years. His last scene on camera in the film is simply legendary. He goes into the home of the drug lord he is pursuing and instigates a fight for the sole purpose of planting a "bug" in the man's home. After he is ushered out of the house by the heavies, the camera catches Cheadle as he walks away and a slight smile stretches across his face. He is happy to have bilked the self assured drug lord. He wants to continue the fight. And you, the viewer WANT him to continue the fight. You also want Don Cheadle to continue acting for a long, long time.

9. Edward Norton- Here are five of this guys first six films: Primal Fear, Fight Club, Rounders, The People Versus Larry Flynt, and American History X. Honestly, can you think of someone who had a better first five of six than this guy? These are some of the most entertaining, passionate, believable, honest, and downright frightening performances of ever seen. He literally TRANSFORMED into the characters of Worm, The Narrator (we never know his name in Fight Club, although I guess we could call him Tyler Durden), and lastly Derek Vinyard. He is so good in each of these roles that it's difficult to believe he is even an actor. Worm seems so real that I'm convinced I'll see him in Atlantic City. He has then bolstered his career in 25th Hour (Have you seen this recently? What a picture!), The Illusionist, and The Painted Veil. He even made The Italian Job and Red Dragon watchable. But let's face it. Norton makes the top ten based on one singular performance: Derek Vinyard.

I could write a 25,000 word post based soley on Norton's character in American Histroy X. Can you think of a better acting performance? Honestly guys, when you really break it down, it is almost too much to take. He somehow makes you LIKE HIM even though we see him as possibly the single most UNLIKABLE character ever in a film. Yes, he's evil and there have been many evil characters in film, but it is his RAGE than transcends words. How can one even begin to process the scene at the dinner table? Does Ed Norton really have this inside of him or is he that good of an actor (thanks Thornton!)? This scene is downright disturbing and it chills you to the bone. Rarely can an actor do that, but somehow, Norton did it.

Then, he turns around and makes you LIKE him. You understand why his mother cares for him so deeply. You understand why the principal had a place in his heart for him. You understand why his inmate friend protects him. And then you believe that he really has rehabilitated himself. The depth in this performance is too much. And to think I haven't even mentioned the best bit of his acting in the film. What is it you say?

The next time you are watching the 200 channels late at night, wait for the part directly following his infamous curb stomp. You will see the police arrive and order him on the ground. The camera will then show Derek turn around and face his kid brother. Watch the look on his face. Unforgettable.

8. Ethan Hawke- Surprised? You shouldn't be. Check out his roles and then start thinking about them. REALLY thinking about them.

Ethan Hawke absolutely dominates the Passion Moment in much the same way Jordan dominated Ehlo. I do not think there is a actor whose characters I have rooted harder for than the characters portrayed by Hawke.

We'll start with what he did with one of the most underrated movie of the past 15 years, Gattaca. This movie didn't make much at the box office, but has gained a tremendous cult following amongst movie nerd, especially those nerds who like feel good stories.

Now, I'm not a huge fan of feel good stories. I especially hate them when they are masked as sports films. However, I do understand their place in the film industry and one of them (Field of Dreams) is one of my very favoritest films. But if you like the feel good film and have never seen Gattaca, GO SEE IT NOW!!!!! You will never be more happy for a character than you are for Jerome/Vincent. He makes you truly believe that ANYTHING is possible. I literally can't picture anyone else in this role and that says something.

And then you cannot have anything but The Passion Moment for him in Training Day. When he is about to be killed in that home by the Spanish gang bangers, you want so desperately for him to survive, not only because he has a wife and young child but because he is truly and honestly GOOD. You want so badly for him to make it out alive. But his real passion moment comes when he enters the home of Scott Glenn with Denzel and the rest of Denzel's squad. He has a gun pointed at him and somehow get's out of it and turns said gun right on Denzel's Alonzo. Even Alonzo is impressed. And you, as the viewer, literally pump your fist in glee.

But Ethan Hawke's number one Passion Moment? Well, if you know me at all, you know what I am going to say. And if you don't know me, let me just say that you need to go out now and buy (not rent) Before Sunset and wait for him to talk about his wedding day while driving back to Celine's apartment. If he doesn't make you feel passion here, then you have as little soul as Derek Vinyard.

7. Leo- Some people might call me a John Kerry flip flopper. That's fine. But I like to think that- given new and substantial evidence- I have the ability to change my mind. And change my mind I have on Leo.

Honestly, was there an actor who had a better 2006? And how did this guy turn himself from a cranberry and vodka drinking wanna be Brat Packer into a Hollywood ambassador? I'm not sure, but he sure has. I mean, is there anyone who ascended the "class ladder" as quickly as Leo? The guy is now Hollywood royalty when just ten years ago, all he was was that dopey kid who sacrificed his life on a sinking ship for some chick he just met.

Of course, it has to be about more than just public persona and Leo backs up his reputation. Big time.

He's had his Crowning Achievement in The Aviator and he showed amazing range and displayed an ability to make you forget who he was in What's Eating Gilbert Grape. Apparently, he's had his Passion Moment as every teen girl in America cried when he let go of Rose's hand and sank to the bottom of the chilly Atlantic. But for me, it was something else.

The turning point came in The Departed. The guy I couldn't wait to see was Damon (I think you'll see his name again). And then I heard that the Academy Award was pretty much being handed to Marky Mark. Then you have Jack being Jack, Martin Sheen being Martin Sheen and Alec Baldwin getting all the good lines. But somewhere, lost in the shuffle, Leo emerged as the best part of what was considered to be the best film of the year. He absoutely burns up the screen in every scene. And the best part? Subtlety. Everyone in that movie seemed to overact (did Damon forget how to do the Boston accent?), except for Leo. I believed everything about him. And then I saw him in Blood Diamond and it was game over.

Well done Leo. I like you so much these days that I even defend you in Romeo and Juliet, Basketball Diaries, The Beach, and Growing Pains.

Oh, and another reason I love him. He can always say that Tom Brady has HIS sloppy seconds. WOO-HOO LEO!

6. Laura Linney- I wanted to put another woman in the top 10. Really I did, but it's actually sad that I couldn't. For years, women (in, out, and way out of Hollywood) have been clamoring that there are zero good female roles. And you know what? Women are right (as is often the case). It seems that all there are out there are drippy romantic comedies and period pieces (and those all get offered to women named Christie, Dench, Scott Thomas, Blanchett, Swinton, and Mirren). There are no real roles out there. You know how I said that I love when guys act like regular guys? Well, I love when women can act like REGULAR women, but it seems that Hollywood never gives them the chance. Except in the case of Laura Linney. She's always given the chance. And she always handles it. Forget handles it, she destroys it.

Laura saved the overwrought Kinsey where she completely transformed herself, thus filling the "forget who she is" category. She was so believable as a tough as nails FBI agent in Breach (her monlogue about how she keeps doing it is tremendous), was great in Mystic River (although the accent was bad) and The Squid and the Whale. Then, she was amazing as the tortured by her brother and her love life Sarah in Love Actually.

DISCLAIMER: HERE COMES PREDICTABLE GERARD. I KNOW I AM. BELIEVE ME, I'M FINE WITH IT.

Her Crowning Achiement, ability to play a regular guy (in this case, woman), and Passion Moment (she had about a 206 of them) all came in the Gerard fave, You Can Count On Me. I won't even bore you with talking about her craft in this film. Let me just list some scenes. She is absolutely breathtaking when:

She is on screen. For any time. Even if it is a sound-less cut to her, she is beyond amazing.

Whether it's her reaction to her dress getting ruined by her idiotic brother, her turning down the proposal of a "solid guy," her confession to her pastor, her verbal clashes with her boss, or her passionate, undying, heartfelt, too believable to put into words love for that same idiotic brother, she owns the screen.

As I write this, I suppose I am doing what so many De Niro and Pacino fans do with them: They remember one moving performance and keep them at the top of their faves list forever.

Well, I'm doing that with Laura Linney and I'm not apologizing for it. She was that good. And never did she say anything as cheesey as "Say Hello To My Little Friend."

5. Matt Damon- Honestly, argue with me here. I dare you to.

It has nothing to do with the fact that he is local or a writer. Nor does it have to do with the fact he's friends with two yet to be mentioned top actors. What it has to do with is him as an actor. Yes, he's had some spotty choices (All The Pretty Horses, The Brother's Grimm, Driving Matt Damon- I mean The Legend of Bagger Vance), but that's why I find the comparisons to some of his heavy weight acting peers so compelling because he has had bad choices and later ADMITS TO THEM!!!!!

It's so strange to hear an actor in this day and age speak as frankly as he does about film roles. His interview in GQ this summer was extraordinary and for him to talk about his failed films and reflect on them is so fresh. It leads one to believe that he will rarely, if ever make bad choices again. And so as he moves forward, I get the sense that he will become one of our generations greatest.

But on to what he HAS done. In case you have forgotten his resume, check the link to the right. You forget how many AMAZING roles he has had because he is so consistently good and so consistently SUBTLE. He has taken the big meaty roles (Mr. Ripley, The Good Shepherd), but he has also taken so many minor roles in which he's been an absolute scene stealer. Take for example the star laden Syriana. The scene when he has to talk to the Middle Eastern (Saudi?) Oil Magnates in the middle of the room. He realizes that is his "meeting" and he handles it just as any regular dude would. With a mixture of shock, exhaustion, and a sense that the whole thing is a complete sham. Watch his body language in this scene. It's stunning.

Like Laura Linney and Ed Norton, I won't get into why he was so awesome as Will Hunting, for is there a reader of this blog who DOESN'T like that movie? Let's just say that he had his Crowning Achievement, Passion Moment, Regular Guy Moment, and displayed enough subtlety that he deserves this spot on the list.

And to think that on top of all his acting accolades, he also wrote the Harvard Bar (or ski trip to Morgy) scene, the "Little League Glove" scene, and the Chucky and Will outside of the construction site scene.

God I wish this guy was my friend.

4. Clooney- Our parents and grandparents had Clark Gable, Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Marlon Brando, John Wayne, Gene Kelly, Gregory Peck, and James Dean. And you know what I say to that? Good for you.

Because we got Clooney.

I know I keep harping on this, but in a time when men are annointed the choosen one before we, as fans, were ever even given the choice to choose a chosen one (follow that?), it's so hard to actually be THE MAN! And Clooney is somehow. He's ALL of the guys mentioned above (maybe not Gene Kelly, although I haven't seen how Georgie twirls an umbrella). He's got so much style, class, and credibility that it's borderline nauseating.

But's what's style without substance? In between winning Sexiest Man Alive and being the consummate bachelor, Clooney has made a few movies. He has under his belt, phenomenal performances in Three Kings, Good Night and Good Luck, O Brother Where Art Thou?, Out of Sight, and most recently, Michael Clayton. He seems to get BETTER with age as opposed to fading out like so many stars (many whom I've referenced in recent days). It seems that he picks his projects carefully and puts everything he has into them.

And of course, you have The Ocean's Trilogy. Granted, two was horrendous and three was mediocre, but please remember the first one. It was out during the holiday season and recall how you felt leaving it. You were SO HAPPY. The smile on your face could not have been chiseled off and this type of movie (although it won zero awards) is what makes an actor a great actor. In lesser hands, this movie would have been a popcorn special with a few car chases and a few good jokes. But Clooney makes it something more. He makes you HATE Terry Benedict and his casinos. He makes you FEEL why the other ten guys would join him. And he makes you smile ear to ear when he walks out of jail into Pitt's ragtop at the end. Basically, what he did was elevate a two star, run of the mill caper flick, into one of the most enjoyable pictures of the new millenium.

As for the heavy lifting? Well, Clooney can take care of that too and take care of it he does in Syriana, his Crowning Achievement.

Have their been better performances over the years? Aboslutely. But we all felt George's pain (maybe because it is George) when his fingernails are ripped out and his passion moment comes at the end when he is doing everything he can to stop the assasination. The viewer roots so hard for him to succeed and you wouldn't have if it were anybody else.

Lastly, you STILL hear about how much weight De Niro gained for Raging Bull. In fact, I think it's like the third argument made for De Niro's greatness in that film. Well guess what. Clooney packed on the pounds too and we Clooney fans NEVER MENTION THAT!!!!!!

Why? Probably because acting is more about eating lots of pasta.

3. Paul Giamatti- I said it once (twice? Three times? 57 times? Ah, whatever.....) playing regular guys is awesome. And hard.

It was easy to connect with Clooney in Syriana. We love Georgie and his smile. It's easy to connect to Hanks, he's..... Hanks! And it's easy to understand why Rose falls for Jack because he's dreamy Leo!

But how do you get an entire audience (well this guy at least) to empathize with, connect with, commiserate with, and fall in love with a slightly overweight, balding, middle aged dude who pretty much seems like the uncle you see twice a year?

Well, you cast Giamatti in the role, that's what you do.

Once again, it appears that I am going with a one role guy here. It's true. People I kept out of the top ten (Denzel, Seymour Hoffman, Day Lewis, Depp) certainly have wider resumes, but for me, it always comes back to getting the audience to connect to you. And I've never connected to someone like I connect to Giamatti in Sideways (evaluating why I feel a personal bond to this character may require another post or at least, 16-24 psycho analysis sessions).

But before we get to that and before you go thinking that Giamatti is a one trick pony, see American Splendor. Or watch him play a second too late detective in The Illusionist. Or watch what he does in his bit part in Saving Private Ryan. Then, watch him steal Cinderella Man from the much more heralded Russell Crowe. And when you're done watching him in those films, watch him save a bomb in Lady In The Water. No, it's not a great picture, but to actually rescue a turkey is unbelievable and it is something that even the best of the best cannot do. And like Clooney, you get the sense that the best is only to come for Giamatti.

Back to Sideways. In it, Giammati plays Miles, a self deprecating, down on his luck, drunken teacher. As if these aren't bad enough qualities, Miles is also a failed writer, a liar who steals money from his mother and a cheater who lost his marriage because HE had an affair. Yet, for some strange reason, we love Miles. Well, most of us do. The holy rollers who post on IMDb hate him.

And it's how he gets us to like him that is amazing. He opens up his world just enough to show us that, despite his flaws, he is a good person. And why is he a good person? Because unlike so many of us, he recognizes his flaws and he doesn't run away from them or make excuses for them. Instead he faces them (albeit with a bottle of wine by his side).

So you can say that Giamatti had his Crowning Achievement with this film and he also had his Passion Moments. But what it also showed- in just one film- is his amazing range. He makes you laugh, he makes you cry, he makes you feel a sense of hatred for him and he also makes you feel a tremendous sense of love for him. And like so few of his peers, he does this without once overacting.

Hate the movie, hate what it portrays. But you cannot hate Miles. And I defy you to NOT love my boy Giamatti. Not for a second.

2. Mark Ruffalo- If you are unaware of my love for him, well, let me just say, scroll back up to number six. Ruffalo plays Terry, Laura Linney's mucho messed up little bro. And the love her life. And possibly the love of mine.

Again, there are actors with grander resumes. There have been bigger and jucier roles out there. But in case you haven't gotten it by now, Juicy Roles don't do it for me. It's the role that wins, not the actor. So when Scorcese makes his next picture or Dennis Lehande adapts his next novel for the screen or the 19th century is retold, we know that actor or actors will get the nod. And that's not fair. Because there is no way that Penn, Day Lewis, Seymour Hoffman, De Niro, Pacino, Nicholson, Cruise, Redford, or Brando in his prime could have done what Ruffalo did in You Can Count On Me.

I'm literally out of things to say about this movie. Just go rent it and watch Terry's face as the camera stays on him during the game of pool. Watch how he twitches and turns when he interacts with his know it all older sister. Watch the face and shrug he gives when he shows up at the church to take his little nephew fishing.

Roles could have been matched or done by someone else. I often see Malkovich or Oldman in Day Lewis' Gangs of New York role. When someone plays a renegade cop, well you can put just about anybody in that role, save for Peter Dinklage.

But as Terry? No one can do it.

Does that make him the second best actor going? Probably not. But it certainly is the best performance. Ever. And I'll defend that always.

1. Do I Even Have To Put His Name?- Okay, here's the thing. Outside of Clooney and MAYBE Britney Spears, there is not a more scrutinized, followed, discussed, talked about, villified, glorified, in our faces celeb than one William Bradley Pitt?

So, given these tremendous odds and the fact that the expectations for him are through the roof every time he releases a picture, it is a wonder he is able to pull off any even REMOTELY decent performances, let alone the critically lauded ones he has somehow managed to do.

There are a few other factors at play here with my boy Pitt.

I will stand by forever that his looks have HURT him over the years. He is almost TOO good looking and so people refuse to take him as a "serious actor." He could never get the roles of tortured everyman like Giamatti and in the future, he'll never bag those light comedic "dad" roles as De Niro has done. He'll never get a big biopic as he can't play some president or musician or coach because he's..... Brad Pitt. He is constantly playing with one hand tied behind his back because he will NEVER overcome the fact that he is Brad Pitt- icon and rescuer of babies from Sierra Leone.

Another challenge that Pitt will always have to overcome and one that is much more stupid is that, in the eyes of women, he will always suck because he left girle fave Jennifer Aniston (she's not Rachel Green ladies!) and shacked up with that weirdo, tatto covered, home wrecker, Angelina Jolie. The guy could be as charming as Will Smith in Hitch and women out there would STILL despise everything about him.

But try as you may to put everything aside (also put aside that I am trying to be objective here and not let my man crush skew all this) and check out this guy's filmography: Se7en, Fight Club, 12 Monkeys, Babel, The Assasination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (see? He gets a plush biopic and gets snubbed come Oscar time because he's Brad Freakin Pitt!), Spy Game, A River Runs Through It, Seven Years In Tibet, Snatch, and Sleepers. He then shows us that he can carry a action/comedy in Mr. and Mrs. Smith (watching him kick Jolie while she's on the ground might be his funniest moment ever) and he DOMINATES True Romance as a stoner who likes his weed out of the Teddy Bear Honey Bottle.

Go back and look at what I just wrote. How can people say that he always plays "Brad Pitt?" He looked like a different person in Babel (maybe his finest role) and showed that he could stretch himself in 12 Monkeys. He's played co star to screen legends Clooney, De Niro, and Redford all while holding his own. He'll take sci-fi, action flicks, summer blockbusters, and Academy Award fare and sink everything he has into it. And the outcome? Usually phenomenal, often brilliant. And he does all of this with the afore mentioned two strikes against him.

Some say he hasn't had his crowning achievement yet, that he hasn't had his Godfather moment. And this may be true, but so much of it is out of his hands. He's had more passion moments than you can count (girlies hated what happened to him in Legends of the Fall and every single guy who ever had a girlfriend/wife for even three months wanted him to do what he did at the end of Se7en) and despite being Brad Pitt, he has done an amazing job of playing regular guys (David Mills, Richard in Babel).

Along the way, he has also managed to be extremely funny (Snatch, True Romance, a cameo in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind) and he never takes himself too seriously (something that can't be said for the likes of Penn, Day-Lewis, and Tim Robbins). He understands that movies are entertainment, but when called on, he can play with the heavyweights, any time.

I just wish the Hollywood types would call on him a bit more often. His Jake LaMotta is out there, that's no doubt. Let's just hope he gets his chance. And not just because I'll look like a jack ass if he doesn't, but because I am so sure he can do it.

Oh, and one last thing for the ladies.

I hate to disappoint you, but there isn't a dude alive who takes Jen over Angelina. Sorry, but that's just the way it is.

I'd love to tell you differently, but in the words of Floyd in True Romance, "I won't con-den-scend you, man."

Why Do You Have To Be So Creepy, Dude?

Before I get started, let me say that this is long. REALLY LONG. Even by my standards. Long enough that I had to break it into two parts. So be quiet. This is what I like to do, okay? That said, it's not as long as stupid golf. Or a stupid NFL game.

Let me say that I also received some comments about the film The Game. I love The Game. It's awesome. I keep it on every time it's on TV and I think Michael Douglas (as I'll cite shortly) is a very underrated actor. But I called it run-of-the-mill because it's just a thriller, albeit a very good one. I probably should have used a different word, but my point was that it's not like Penn was really challenging himself in that role. It was actually nice that he took that role and made it work, so in reality, I should probably be praising Penn, not criticizing him for it. I think my point is that guys I like catch a lot of heat for not stretching themselves and playing "simple" roles, when in fact, everyone does this, including the "heavyweight champ" of acting. So when you want to criticize an actor for a poor role (I frequently hear, "The Mexican," with a certain guy I like), remember, they all have bombs and they all take "simple" roles. What makes an actor better than the next is how many bombs they've had and how badly they bombed (Gigli is worse than The Mexican and you know it).

So, who is better than De Niro, Pacino, Penn, and Day-Lewis? Well, shockingly, I have an opinion. But before I get to those, lemme establish some ground rules.

Firstly, an actor has to have been in a goodly number of movies. Years ago, my friends and I used 10, but to make my argument work against Day-Lewis, I'm going 15.

I'm kidding. I'll stick with the 10.

Next, a person has to have played a REGULAR GUY.

I know this sounds strange, but long ago, I heard James Lipton say the easiet thing is to play a weird, drug addicted, mentally disabled, sick, or downright crazy person. Or a deranged killer. I agree with this, but only somewhat because if that's the case, then you have to revoke 50 Academy Award wining performances (Forrest Gump, Hannibal Lecter, Hanks in Philadelphia, Denzel in Training Day, to name a few) and that isn't fair. I would like to think that the people voting for best actor/actress know a lot more than me and James Lipton and so you CANNOT eliminate that acting genre.

That said, I've always said that playing a regular guy is hard because you have to act like..... One of us. And you have to pull it off. You have to make it believable. That's why I love Clarice Starling so much. She was just a green as can be, scared FBI agent and she made it so believable. That's one of the best acting performances I've ever seen. Same with Ben Kingsley in Schindler's List. He is just a regular dude, trying to save his friends and family from total hell. And he does it so subtlely.

The next is that an actor has had to have a variety of different roles where you actually forget that they are the actor they are. That's why I hate De Niro so much. I feel like he's just playing that Italian Mobster all the time, even in Meet The Parents.

The next is that you have had to have had some sort of passionately strong feeling for him/her. You have to really have pulled for them or been devastated when they died (crushed when Goose died, completely unaffected when the partner in In The Line of Fire died). Or you have to WISHED them dead (Amon Goeth in Schindler's) or you have to have been scared shitless of them (see Bardem, Javier). That's why I hated Litle Miss Sunshine so much. I couldn't have cared less what happened to anyone in that film. We'll call this the Passion Moment.

Another is that you have to forget WHO they are. This is much more difficult in the internet/saturation age as I said in my previous post because we know SO MUCH about every actor. So it is hard to see them as NOT who they are in real life. But it can be done, from time to time.

The last is that you had to have at least one BIG ONE. One knock it out of the park cinematic achievement. We'll call it the Crowning Achievement Moment. A part in a film that will so touch you forever that you will never forget it. People say that De Niro and Pacino and Penn and Day-Lewis have all had them. That's fine. I think they have too. But lots of other actors have had those moments too and that's only part of the criteria.

No over the topness. I know I've used this word a thousand times (It's my version of Randy's "pitchy"), but subtlety is just so key. It's all I want. No big, dramatic over the topness. That's not acting. Subtlety is acting.

Lastly, mannerisms. This to me is so hard to do when you "act." To remember to make a certain facial expression, to shrug, to look scared, or to make a certain hand motion is just amazing. That is why I love Damon as my man Will Hunting. What he does with his looks and mannerisms is astounding. Yelling and screaming after your kid died (Penn in Mystic River) is easy. That's what anyone would do. Remembering to jump ever so slightly as Kingsley did when Goeth shoots the kid in Schindler's is absolutely incredible.

So there it is. Not a lot of factors, but a few. But everyone mentioned on this list is better than The Italian Stallion Duo.

And with those thoughts in mind, let's begin today's section of actors better than De Niro and Pacino (and most are better than Penn and Day Lewis too).

The Old Guys Who Probably Took Too Many Roles But Had Some Shining Moments Over The Years- Sean Connery, Morgan Freeman, Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, Michael Douglas, Anthony Hopkins

It's tough to NOT see these guys as Connery, Freeman, Ford, Eastwood, and Douglas (Hopkins? Well, I see him as a man eater) but they are consistently awesome, often funny and have had their Crowning Achievements (The Untouchables, Shawshank, Witness, Million Dollar Baby, Wall Street). They are all hurt by taking too many similar roles (outlaws, some guy code named 007) and they have cashed plenty of checks (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Space Cowboys come to mind). But they make great cops and I most surely would have voted for a Deep Impact Morgan Freeman for president. And I gotta say Harry is better than the Heat duo. C'mon, he was Han Solo and Indy for crissakes. Douglas is the most evil dude ever as Gordon Gekko and I loved him in Fatal Attraction and Wonder Boys (who knew he could be that hilarious?). As for Sir Anthony? Well, I think he had his Crowning Achievement role, don't you?

Young, On The Rise, And Will Be Better Than Bobby And Al- Ryan Gosling and Jake Gyllenhal

I just love Ryan Gosling. I find him to be absolutely amazing and somehow, he has managed to stay under the radar. Given the fact that he was in The Notebook, On The Mickey Mouse Club, and young and good looking, I find this to be a tremendous feat. And man do I love him in Half Nelson. To think he could be nominated for back to back Academy Awards at 27 is incredible. Then there's Gyllenhal. I gotta say, this guy gets it done. There's something about him you don't WANT to like, but with Brokeback Mountain, he already meets the Crowning Achievement moment. Then, he carried the culty Donnie Darko and he was the man in Zodiac.

The Brits and The Aussies- Judi Dench, Cate Blanchett, Kate Winslet, Clive Owen, Ralph Fiennes

Let's get the easy one out of the way: Fiennes. Did you see Schindler's List? As for the others, they don't fit ALL of the qualifications and some would say they are often overrated and might be loved just because they are not American, but they've ALL had their crowning achievements in Notes On A Scandal, Elizabeth, Little Children, and Children of Men. Throw in the fact that they have been ridiculous in bit part/big budget Hollywood films (Shakepeare In Love, Inside Man, Eternal Sunshine, Babel) and they truly get it done. Also, we know less about this foursomes personal lives, so they are always more believable.

Would Have Been Awesome Had They Not Gotten Weird/Crazy- Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise

I know you see Kilmer and say, what?!?!?!? But remember this: The guy is pushing 50, has been in almost 50 movies (nothing good in 10 years by the way), but I always kept a soft spot in my heart for him. I'm not sure really why. Maybe it's that weird bite thing he does in Top Gun. Maybe it's because he was so hilarious in Top Secret. And I know it's a stretch to say he's BETTER than De Niro and Pacino, but he proves my point that great performances from 15 years ago don't mean that you are forever a great actor. Now, he hasn't been Tony Montana or Jake Lamotta but he WAS Jim Morrison and like Pacino and De Niro, he could live off that, right? He was also awesome in Tombstone, Real Genuis, True Romance and more recently, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Now I'm not trying to convince you here, I'm just asking you to think about it. He had his one RIDICULOUS performance and some solid ones. And A TON of bombs. Sound like anybody you know? Speaking of which, he also stole that movie that those two clowns were in.

As for the next guy, remember that really bitter breakup you went through? Remember how, even though you were together eight years and had a bunch of really good days, it was hard to remember those because of how horrific the end was? That's what I like to think about with Tom Cruise. He is literally public enemy number one, but if you can try (reach deep into your heart) to forget about the fact he has turned Katie Holmes into a robot and his penchant for putting his feet atop furninture on TV, remember his run..... Risky Business, Top Gun, Rain Man, Born On The Fourth of July, A Few Good Men, Jerry Maguire, Eyes Wide Shut, his ridiculous role in Magnolia and a huge bounce back in Collateral. Yes, he plays the same guy every time (living in his father's shadow, cocky, charming), but he's played it so well. And he proved for us in Collateral that he could be a pretty convincing evil dude.

I Like Them More And More Every Time I See Them- Viggo Mortensen, Terrence Howard, Joaquin Phoenix, Keira Knightley, Jamie Foxx

I've really liked Viggo since Crimson Tide. I just loved what he brought to that Simpson/Bruckheimer movie. And then he's just crushed it in A History of Violence and Eastern Promises. He's rapidly ascending the list. Terence Howard has had his Crowning Achievement in Hustle and Flow. He was also incredible in Ray and saved the overrated Crash. But he was in Glitter. At least he did that EARLY in his career rather than being in The Godfather and THEN Gigli. Joaquin Phoenix has such range. He may one day TOP this list and be put in the conversation with Day-Lewis and Penn. He is an incredible bad guy and was phenomenal as Johnny Cash, but it was Signs that showed his range. In a big budget summer movie, he killed it playing a hilarious REGULAR dude, which you know I love (interesting nugget: That part was originally supposed to go to a guy you'll see tomorrow). Keira Knightley got it done in Pride and Prejudice and was believable in Domino. Plus, I loved her sincerity in Love Actually. Then there's my boy Foxx. Yeah, he killed it in Ray, but to me, it was Collateral that is his Crowning Achievment. I'm serious. He was so, so, SO good in that and so believable. The part where he has to go get the hit list in the night club and pretend he's the assasin straight up gives you the chills. Talk about being a ridiculous regular guy. And then his anger in the trailer park scene in Miami Vice was my passion moment. You wanted him to fuck up every person in that room. If it weren't for Stealth, he may have made tomorrow's list.

The Studs Who Can't Crack My Top Ten Because Of The Departed And The Da Vinci Code- Jack and Hanks

God, you two, why did you do it? I said in a post months ago that Jack's Departed role will be laughed at in five years. It's as painfully over the top as anything I've seen. That said, he's just been too good to deny. About Schmidt was so awesome and you still can't turn away from Colonel Jessup. Imagine that guy was the dad of a girl you were dating? As for Hanks, that stretch of Philadelphia, Gump, Apollo 13, Road to Perdition, and Saving Private Ryan (I didn't even have to mention Big) is almost too much to take. He literally was NOT Hanks as Captain John Miller in Private Ryan. I couldn't believe how convincing he was in that. But Hanks, Da Vinci Code? Yuck..... And to think I was willing to forget Joe Versus The Volcano.

The Tough, Tough, Nearly Impossible Omissions From Tomorrow's List- Denzel, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Jodie Foster, Ben Kingley, Johnny Depp

They miss for petty reasons, but I'll tell you anyways. Denzel plays Denzel every time. Yes, we all say this and yes he is incredible playing Denzel. He's had his Crowning Achievment in Glory, but it kills me that he's always playing a cop. And it's tough to put a guy in the top 10 when his Academy Award winning role wasn't even the best acting job in the picture. Phillip Seymour Hoffman's omission is more insane: He creeps me out so much in his roles that I literally don't think I can be friends with him. How does this guy pick up a woman? Don't they see him as a creepy, weird, shady prick every time? Jodie Foster has always been one of my faves. Two words: Clarice Starling. And her bit part in Inside Man was awesome as was her CARRYING of Contact, a super underrated film. But her bad picks kill her. I gotta stay consistent on something, no? Ben Kingsley was actually the toughest omission. I just loved him so much in Schindler's and then he put chills in me in The House of Sand and Fog. But I felt like too much of a fraud if I put him in the top ten, so sayonara. Then there's Depp. I love you Johnny, I do. I see him in every film and his recent stretch has been ridiculous. Plus, I just love his whole..... Being. But something's always been missing for me and I guess it's that to me, he's never had his Passion Moment. I haven't wished death, survival, or shed tears for any of his characters. He's been awesome, but he misses that. Sorry Johnny.

There are many other actors I really enjoy, or at least specific roles they've played. Over the years, Kevin Spacey, Meryl Streep, Julianne Moore, Timothy Hutton, Jon Cusack, Sam Jackson, Annette Benning, Giovani Ribisi, Sigourney Weaver, Barry Pepper, Vince Vaughn, Gary Oldman, John Malkovich, Angelina Jolie, Jude Law, Christopher Walken, Ewan Macgregor, Jamie Bell, Jeff Bridges, Heath Ledger, Ed Harris, Sam Neill, Benicio Del Toro, Joan Allen, Bill Hurt, Will Smith, Tim Roth, Julie Delpy, and Diane Lane have all been incredible. But I just couldn't get excited to write about any of them. Plus, I figured your retinas were burning reading the screen so I stopped writing. That said, they still beat the La Cosa Nostra Two and the peeps tomorrow will crush them.

Even more.

Wait and see.....

Yeah, I'm Talkin' To You. Both Of You.

I like Bill Simmons. I really do. Or at least I try to. The reason I sometimes dislike him is that I'm jealous that he has his job and I have mine.

Anyways, he recently wrote a piece about which team he likes more, the 2007 Patriots or the 1986 Celtics. It was really good. And I felt I could be pretty objective about both of these squads since I dislike the two teams immensely (quick? Who won more titles in the 80s, Lakers or Celtics? I'll give you a hint..... It's not very close). In my mind, the '86 Cees have to be more liked, if for no other reason than the fact they are CONSTANTLY referenced. Maybe that will happen with the '07 Pay-Triots, but for now, the '86 Smeltics have to get the love (Me? I'll take the '92 Sox. Naehring, pre armed robbery Jeff Reardon, circle change and ill mustached Frankie V, sliding catch Brunansky, Zupcic, Ellis Burks, Bankrupt Jack Clark, Phil Plantier, Jody Reed, always spitting Luis Rivera, ambidextrous Greg Harris, future manager of the year Eric Wedge, Yankee bench coach Tony Pena, race car Mike Greenwell, lefty dominator Tony Fossas and a pre-twilight-of-his-career Clem).

And along with that article came a link to a similar piece debating the greatness of two actors, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro.

Now, my little sister and I have discussed before that you can tell a lot about a person based on who they say their favorite actor is. If they say Daniel Day Lewis or Sean Penn (we'll get to them in a minute), then they are pseudo movie intellectuals who read too much A.O. Scott. If they say Tom Hanks, then they have never seen an independent film. If they say Sean Connery, then they last saw a movie in 1987. If they say Mel Gibson, they are idiots. If they say Harrison Ford, they are 45 year old women who remember his scruff and chiseled look from his Indiana Jones days. If they say Cate Blanchett, then they think they are smarter than you. If they say Judi Dench, then they ARE smarter than you. If they say Maryl Streep, they are your mother. If they say Arnold Schwarzenegger, they are my brother. If they say Brad Pitt, they are me. If they say Chad Michael Murray, they are in high school. If they say Ryan Gosling, they just read this weeks Entertainment Weekly. And if they say Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino, well..... They haven't seen any movies. Or they are painfully unoriginal. Or Italian.

Quick what do these movies have in common?

Analyze That, Marvin's Room, The Fan, Frankenstein, Great Expectations, 15 Minutes, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Men of Honor, We're No Angels, Showtime, Hide and Seek, The Devils Advocate, Two Bits, Author! Author!, Any Given Sunday, Insomnia, Cruising, Chinese Coffee, Two For The Money, The Recruit, Simone, and Gigli (yes, you read that right. Gigli. Arguably the most laughed at movie of the past 20 years. You know the one. It ruined Bennifer.)?

Well, I'm sure you guessed, but those are all films starring De Niro and Pacino. Now, I understand that they have The Godfather, Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, Donnie Brasco, The Insider, Taxi Driver, Goodfellas, and the hugely underrated Midnight Run (note: I did not give them Heat, Scarface, or Serpico. Three hugely, HUGELY overrated films). But look at their percentages of hits compared to misses. It isn't good. On the right, I have the films they starred in. Count them up and see what their batting average is. Cooperstown material? You decide.

But to me, these guys have been riding the wave of some critically acclaimed films for far too long and truthfully, it's confusing. If you look at it, they have had awfully spotty careers and a few dominant films, but I've always been perplexed as to why they receive so much acclaim. They have also had the extreme good fortune of being in huge budget films with big name directors and tremendous supporting casts. Recently, when a film is their own, they can rarely carry it. Like I said, they had their defining moments, but over the course of an acting lifetime, their defining moments have been surprisingly few and far between.

I get frustrated when people "lament" the good old days. Of anything. I have long said that music, particularly rock, is as good as it's ever been and maybe at it's peak. The NBA, often bashed for not being what it was in the 80s, has made a tremendous bounce back. Look at some of the scores in recent days: 120-109, 111-105, 125-117, 126-96, 111-107, and 132-124. Certainly sounds like the run and gun 80s to me.

But nothing gets me more irritated than people pining for the films of yesteryear. And even more irritating is when people cite the greatness of De Niro and Pacino films that are 25-35 years old.

Because here's the thing: The days of getting belted with an eternal classic like The Godfather or getting bopped over the head with a monstrous performance like Jake La Motta are over. There is too much knowledge of films before they are even made. No longer (or at least, very rarely), can a movie sneak up on you. We know about "big" movies and "big" performances months or even years before they happen. The internet has taken away all surprise in films. I still remember seeing Se7en the night it opened back in the Fall of '95. I knew nothing about the movie and I was DESTROYED by the ending of it. Absolutely floored. But that cannot happen anymore because of the internet, leaks, advance screenings, and the glut of periodicals reporting on the film industry. And that was only '95. Imagine how hard it was to get ANY info on Raging Bull back in the day? You probably went to your local cineplex, had six movies to choose from (some of which could have been a year old), and so you walked into this boxing movie and were blown away by what you just saw. And that you can't do any more. You will be surprised by nothing. Sometimes, a film comes along that for some starnge reason, is not hyped or talked about or ruined. The Sixth Sense did this. I saw it pretty late into its run and still had no idea what I was about to see. Cloverfield has done a nice job of keeping stuff in the vault, but for the most part, it's impossible.

So when you discuss the actors of today, I think it is important to understand that they can't be judged like they once were. It's like comparing sports teams of past years to more recent years. Of course the this year's Pats crush the '72 Fins. Their fullback is as big as the offensive line of the Dolphins. The world of acting has evolved and their are so many opportunities to be an actor that no one will sneak up on us. You can see Ben Foster pull off a great performance in 3:10 To Yuma, but if you spent any time watching Boston Public (and I hope you didn't), Six Feet Under, or Freaks and Geeks, then you've known about him for some time.

Further, every actor is larger than life. We know them now as people, so it is hard to see them as "actors." Then there are just so many "critics" that an actor, regardless of how good he is, will still be shredded somewhere, by someone.

So who today are our greatest actors? Well, I have a list and let me tell you whose NOT on that list: Daniel Day Lewis and Sean Penn.

People love these two and I found it hilarious recently when the Globe ran a piece comparing the two and tried to decide who was the "Heavyweight Champ" of acting. I think neither are. For one, Daniel Day Lewis does not have enough of a resume to decide. He's been in literally 11 films. Yes, My Left Foot is awesome as is There Will Be Blood. He carried both. People loved him in Gangs of New York. I found him way too over the top. In The Name of the Father and The Boxer were both solid but not superb all around films. Then he was in The Crucible, The Ballad of Jack and Rose, The Age of Innocence, and Last of the Mohicans. All mediocre to not good films. So I just don't understand how a guy who gets this much love has really been in maybe TWO great movies, a Scorcese pic that won exactly ZERO Academy Awards, and two films that he carried, yet you may not keep on if you switched to it on a snowy Saturday in January.

Then there's Sean Penn. I want to like this guy because of his crazy politics and I certainly loved him in a few films (Dead Man Walking, Casualties of War) and he did a great job of transforming himself in Carlito's Way. But this guy has done some run of the mill Hollywood thrillers (The Interpreter, The Game), a Madonna movie, some big budget disappointments (The Thin Red Line, All The Kings Men, Hurlyburly), a horrific Oliver Stone film (U-Turn. What the hell as that?)and then he cashed it in with a few EASY performances as a disabled man and grieving, vindictive father. Those roles BOTH had Academy Award written on them before they were even released. And let's also not forget that I STILL see him as Spicoli, even when he's saving Katrina victims.

So on that note, who does my loud, obnoxious, pseudo intellectual opinion claim are the best actors? Well, that will have to wait for Part II (up this weekend I swear). Let's just say you can probably guess one guy I'll be defending pretty fiercely.....

We Are Here To Pump You Up

I go to the gym. I don't like it very much, but I go. I'm not one of those people who lists on their blog/ myspace/ match.com (I don't have one of these! I swear!) profile that it is an "interest." Seeing as I am 33, unmarried, in the education profession, and being fairly positive I saw a gray hair the other day, I think that going to the gym is more of an essential thing. But if I could take a gym "pill" and sit on my couch and watch General Hospital, I most definitely would. Actually, I think I can take that pill. It's called heroin.

Anyways, I've often wondered why the reality television show hasn't cashed in on the lunacy that is the gym. I know Bravo tried a show, but it was more focused on how a gym was run. I think the reality show should be like that Taxi Cab Confession show (I can't believe I know that exists). It should focus on the people who attend the gym and what goes on there. But mostly, the show should just focus on the ridiculous people that are there. Maybe it could be set up Mystery Science Theater 3000 style where a trio of people make clever remarks about the morons at the gym. That might be where the comedy value lies: Having people make fun of people at the gym.

I don't have a gym "partner" but I often wish I did, just so I could have someone to laugh with. Instead, I have only myself to laugh with. I often tell the stories the next day and get a chuckle, but they would be so much funnier if someone could actually SEE what goes on at my gym rather than hear it second hand, because some of the stuff is so hysterical, you literally cannot believe it is happening. So, over the past couple of days (weeks, months, years), I made a few observations about the people at the gym. Oh, and I also frequently pause my iPod and eaves drop on peoples conversations (raise your hands if you've never done this. I see that there are no hands up. I thought so.), but I'll report on those another day. Here, for now are the 16 types of people that attend the gym.

Loud Lifter Guy- A friend of mine once said that you can tell how a person is in bed by the sounds they make at the gym. If that's the case, this guy has probably had sex with women once and once only because there is NO WAY a woman is going back to this guy a second time after they hear his yawlps. One day, as I was listening to my ipod on full blast (and thus insuring my future deafness), I heard an "AHHHHHH!" I said to myself, "that's weird, I never noticed that the background singer in stellastarr* screamed 'ah' periodically throughout the song." Well, when it went into the next song, I knew something was up so I paused my ipod and heard this dude screaming "AHHHHHHHHH" at the top of his lungs after each rep. And not only did I hear him, but people in Everett heard him as well and my gym is in Cambridge.

Stinky Breath Guy- This guy asks me for a spot every time. And it is usually on an excercise where I have to stand in front of him. And where he exhales frequently. And then he knocks me out with his halitosis.

Small Shorts Guy- Does this guy have no friends? Does he not have a wife or girlfriend or partner? Because how could anybody who is even remotely close to this guy NOT tell him that his shorts are inappropriately tiny and that when he sits on the ab bench we can see his nuts? Does he not look around and see everyone wearing appropriate length shorts or even swishy pants? I know the spandex guy takes a lot of heat (rightfully so by the way), but spandex look like Kevin Garnett's shorts compared to Small Shorts guy. Go to Sports Authority and buy a pair of Champions dude! For all of our sakes.

Bad Form Guy- A perennial Fave. Loads up on all sorts of weight. Takes a minute to get himself psyched up. A small crowd gathers to watch this strong man throw up this weight. Then he goes and does something that the human body is not supposed to do while "lifting" the weight. The end result looks like a member of the Italian National Soccer Team flopping after a slide tackle.

Woman Who May or May Not Be A Stripper But Is Certainly Dressing To Look The Part - I see these ladies and wonder where exactly they bought the tank top the have on. I've never seen one at Dicks Sporting Goods or Modells (not that I'm in the sports bra section that often), but she found it..... Somewhere. Maybe it was at Fredericks or that Brazilian store across the street from me. You will also know this woman by the ratio of times she adjusts her hair elastic to the number of excercises actually done. It is usually 25:1. All of this being said, I still enjoy her arrival at the gym.

Overly Friendly Guy- Usually a middle aged man, he is the guy who comes bombing up to every person at the gym like he's their long lost friend. He greets everyone very enthusiastically and when you first witness him, you think he may be the Mayor or at the very least, have some social disorder. As your time at the gym wears on, you realize that he is not a mayor, nor mentally handicapped. He's just an idiot. With a terrible tank top.

Bad Tattoo Guy- Yes, these people are present everywhere, but there seems to be a real overabundance of them at the gym. You would think that in a day and age where we can correct vision, transplant livers, and transfer tendons into elbows that we would have come up with something to erase tattoos because there is no way that those 32 year old guys walking around my gym can think those barb wire tattoos on their upper arms are still a good idea, can they? I mean, it was a somewhat palatable look in Cancun in '95 but..... Wait. It was never a good idea. Scratch that.

Steep Up Hill Treadmill Walker- These peeps wouldn't bother me if they were actually doing a helpful excercise, but instead they are HOLDING THE TREADMILL RAILINGS WHILE THEY WALK UPHILL!!!!! STOP IT! IT DOESN'T HELP!!!!! It's almost as bad as the.....

Peep Who Spends Way Too Much Time Stretching- Stop stretching! It's not that benficial. I got a buddy who competitively runs marathons and he never stretches. I mean, if your hammy is a bit tight, a few toe touches might be in order, but you sitting on that mat and spening a half hour pretending you are Mary Lou Retton is not helpful. Do some abs for Christ's sake.

Personal Trainers- Is there anything more superflous on earth than these people? How have their jobs not been eradicated by magazines and the internet? If someone really needs someone to yell "Faster!" and "Two more!" at them while they labor through a work out, I'll do it. And not for $70 an hour. I'll do it for a six pack of Schlitz and a pizza. And why are trainers always talking about "engaging the core?" Does anyone even know what that means?

Guys Who Awkwardly Man Hug- Bill Simmons talks frequently about the awkwardness of the Rocky/Apollo beach man hug. It's not nearly as creepy as the gym dude hug. I especially like that it is a combination handshake/high five/hug that ultimately ends up in two muscley guys bumping chests. I'm telling you guys. Watch this sometime. It's the most awkward thing you've ever seen. Just go full on hug. It'd be way less weird. And besides, Ari Gold made huging cool again, so go with it.

Glove Guys- Unless you are one of Dutch's special forces guys hunting the Predator through the the jungle of Central America and hoisting around three hundred pound gatling guns or attending Man Ray on a Saturday night in '98, then under no circumstance should you be wearing fingerless, leather gloves.

Bad Clothes Peeps- I get it. You're at the gym. You don't want to wear your Armani suit, but is it necessary to look homeless (or like Bill Belichick)? I mean, get some shorts NOT covered in paint. Or a t-shirt without holes. I know the gym is not a night club, but come on. You guys look so pathetic that your almost FORCING your "I don't care" attitude. And wasn't the tank top banned at the gym at about the same time smoking in restaurants was? I swear it was attached to that bill.....

Chicks Who Talk And Don't Do Much- Go shopping. Or have a coffee. But don't stand in front of the machine I am trying to use and jam me up! I hate this godforsaken place and I want to leave! Take your overly loud conversation about your lame date this weekend and bring it to the steam room. Or tupperware party. Just get it away from me.

Workout Partner Guys- There are really only two of them, but they provide for my best story. I don't see these guys everyday, but when I do see them, what a treat. Some of the exercises they do: Face to face sit ups where they interlock feet (still haven't figured out how they do this) and give each other high tens after each rep. High leg stretches facing each other and placing their ankles on the opposite guys shoulder so that their almost stradling the face of the dude. And lastly, they line up the oblique benches next to one another, link hands, and then do side crunches. They look like a gym version of a pop and lock duo. All of this makes them seem gayer than hard core 300 fans.

And lastly.....

Guy Who Wears Only Black Because He Sweats Like A Whore In Church And Soaks Through All Light Colored Shirts While Belting Out Tunes By The National On His Ipod- You know this guy..... Because it's me.

God, there are such losers at the gym.....

Your Oh So Precious Time

It's been awhile I know. I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath for my next post. I bet you couldn't even get through your days without it. I decided to take a COMPLETE vacation during vacation. Of course, I did not take a drinking vacation. Or a being an ass vacation.

During my respite though, I did have my greatest blog moment yet. A person who was doing a Google search (I'm not sure exactly what s/he was searching for. Obnoxious Mass Bloggers? People Who Hate The South? Wanna Be Chuck Klostermans? Teachers Who Blog When They Should Be Correcting 60 Day Old Exams?) came across my blog entry about the worthlessness of the south and guess what? She responded with a scathing comment/rant! It was awesome! I felt like my post ACTUALLY had an effect (albeit a hugely negative one) on someone. So anyways, scroll down to the "Aren't You Glad You Live In Mass?" post from September and click on comments and see the impact I had! I haven't had anyone this fired up since my "concession" speech after the 2004 elections.

And in a way, reading this comment and then reading some people's comments to an IMDb post I left inspired today's blog, which I certainly found "time" for.

There are lots of words and phrases that bother me. I could care less, irregardless, revert back, ATM machine, and supposebly are all quite irritating when you hear them. Irregardless is especially painful when spoken with the really thick Boston accent. But I'm beginning to realize that there is a new phrase that is bothering me and that is "I don't have the time for this....."

You get this a lot on the internet, particularly when you are a blogger or an IMDb poster. This phrase has been iring me for some time. At first, it was just a minor annoyance, like a gnat, but it has reached new heights in recent days. Before I fully get into this (bet you can't wait!), allow me to digress momentarily (Note: For some reason, I am particularly angry today. Maybe it's because I actually have to work a full week or maybe I'm chafed that Brady broke Bledsoe's franchise record for most passing yards, but something is amiss).

I do lots of "stuff." I really do. None of it is super intelligent and I'm certainly not spending my time volunteering in soup kitchens, but if it's stuff you want, well then it's stuff I do. I've probably seen more movies than most people my age. I read (Books Jerry, books). I occassionally finish crossword puzzles. I know how to play cribbage and chess. I could definitely beat you in NHLPA 95. I've been to museums, seen a bunch of plays (even some Shakespeare!), eaten at decent restaurants, and run a few races. I've won my fantasy baseball league, caught a huge trout, taken off a pool cover, and made pretty decent gingerbread cookies. I can tell you the Modern Library's #1 Best Book of All Time (it's by Sue Grafton, no?), I can change a tire pretty quickly, I know whose on the $20 Bill, I can locate the Andes Mountains on a map (that's where those soccer players ate each other, right?), I know how to put up a tent (thanks boys from the camping trip!), and I can tell you what Vera Wang does .

Oh, and I write. Not well, but hey, it least it's not plagiarized.

Here's some stuff I don't know (If I listed it all, I'd have to quit my job and write for 9 years straight). Who the third wide receiver on The Arizona Cardinals is, what "hitting it fat" means, how to blanch butter, what crown molding is, the ins and outs of No Child Left Behind, who the father of Julia Roberts kids is (Josh Brolin?!?!?), how to fire a gun (but I should probably learn in case the zombies come), and I can't take care of a plant. I couldn't finished Atlas Shrugged (I didn't get it), I've never been on a hike, I don't know 25 year scotch from 2 month scotch, the ending of The Prestige momentarily (MOMENTARILY!) confused me, I don't know what subcutaneous tissue is, I can't name three Bob Dylan songs, and I don't get what the big deal is with The English Patient (although I like it a bit more than Elaine).

So what's my point? Well, we all have different interests. We all like to do different "stuff." We all have different "lives." And so when someone is doing something different than you, don't dump on it and DEFINITELY don't say "I don't have time for this," because you know what? You probably do have time for this. In fact, all you have it is time.

I saw Jerry Seinfeld live a few years ago and he did a great bit about spare time. He said that everyone says "Life is too short" when in fact, life is painfully long. He made a hilarious point about how he walks around and sees people playing games on cell phones, sitting in restaurants, and basically, doing all manner of inane things. In fact, he said, "You guys are here right now, killing an hour."

And here's the thing: He's right!!!!! Let's face it. We all have lots of time. We do. Some have more than others, some less. I work multiple jobs and am rarely home during the week. But I probably have more time than my cousins, who have five children.

And so I hate, hate, HATE when people say, "I don't have time for this." You know what you are really saying when you say "I don't have time for this?" You are saying, "I have no intelligent response to the valid point or points you just brought up so I am going to demean them with a trite, pseudo-intellectual phrase that it now the most overused phrase in the English language."

Couple true stories.....

Long ago, I posted a a piece on IMDb about the worthlessness of Garden State. It was basically my crowning achievement as I have never got more people fired up in my entire life. It was even referenced in a Canadien newpaper article (here's the link: http://overheard.loveneverfails.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/modern-cynicism.html) It was like I walked into a MacDonalds and starting gunning innocent people down. People were apoplectic. I had so many responses to my post and most of them started off with, "I don't have the time to refute all of your points so let me just say....." And then they insulted me with various comments about my lack of a "life" and that I should have something better to do with my "time."

Then, over Christmas Vacation, I got an email saying (not insuating, SAYING) that Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist that is going to try to take down the United States. I wanted to let this go, but I couldn't. So I responded. And I got no emails saying, "Gee, Gerard. You are right. You really hammered down those ridiculous points." Instead, I got responses about my use of "time" and "energy."

So let me get this all straight.....

While you were home splitting the atom (or blanching the butter maybe?), you just happened to stumble across IMDb, got a membership (you need that to read and respond to posts), typed in "Garden State," scrolled down to my piece, clicked on respond, and then sat down at the keyboard and typed up a response? Or maybe, while you were attempting to create the SUV that can get 50 miles to the gallon, you just happened on an op-ed piece about an AMERICAN running for president who just might be a terrorist (I can't believe that the FBI has missed this by the way!), decided it was a really valuable and useful nugget of information, cut the web address, pasted it into an email, and forwarded it to all your friends? Is that a good use of your "time?" Are you spending your oh so valuable "time" better than I am?

And if so, what are you doing with your "time?" Travelling the world? Kayaking? Making pottery? Taking jujitsu lessons? Reading Confederacy of Dunces? Inventing a calorie free chocolate molten lava cake? Memorizing the preamble to the Constitution?

I try really hard not to make fun of what people do. In yesterdays Globe, there was an absoutely hilarious story about tailgating Patriot fans (one group has a chant they do before games!!!!! A CHANT!!!!!). I made fun of them yes, and laughed hysterically all the while, but hey, if that's what they like to do, then by all means, do it.

So the next time you are watching a "great" rerun of the West Wing, scanning rotoworld to see who the Royals are going to call up now that David DeJesus went down, reading that US Weekly, watching dancing with the stars, searching for before and after pictures of Ashlee Simpsons nose jobs, watching Caddyshack, sitting in the food court, or raking leaves, remember that your time really isn't that valuable. Or at least, it's no more valuable than mine. And what you may consider completely inane may be actually enjoyable to someone. And what you consider great use of your "time" may just be the worst thing I could possibly think of doing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to building a Millenium Falcon out of Legos.....