Ladies, Could We Try Something Else Please?

Note: Portions of this post were culled from drunken rants/discussions/loud agreements from my equally idiotic siblings.

I'm really excited about Marathon Monday.

As a white person, I thoroughly enjoy the marathon.

Not because I am running in it and can take a picture of myself crossing the finish line with my number clearly visible, but because I like to drink on that day.

But what I am not looking forward to is seeing a lot of North Face jackets.

There are some fashion trends I'll never understand. Those high waisted, pleated jeans that supermodels are wearing are not good. And I'm not a huge fan of Fedoras (although if I start wearing one soon, please ignore that last sentence). And over the years, I have been guilty of many a fashion crime (I went to college still pegging my pants. Thanks for that Burlington, Mass). In fact, by this time next year, I'll probably have to purge half my wardrobe as GQ will tell me that it is out.

But I really don't get The North Face jacket thing.

If you visit The North Face website, a picture of a guy who looks like a character out of a Jack London novel can be seen hiking along what appears to be a river on Hoth. If you take an extended trip around the North Face website, you will read tales of people hiking in the Himalayas, guys running 80 mile races, and teams climbing the Karst Towers (these look kinda challenging)
in Yangshou, China. Nowhere do I see photos of sorority girls and recent Tufts grads (this is getting like Shaugnessey/Schilling) walking up in down Newbury Street as they combine their North Face with a pair of Uggs and some Sevens.

Now I understand that utilitarian clothing becomes trendy every once in awhile. I certainly didn't need all those pockets (usually used for ammunition and grenades) that were on my cargo pants in 1997 and I do not have a beret to fill the epaulets that currently adorn half my wardrobe.

But 85% of the dudes I know would die before they wore a button down with an epaulet and so my real question is how has outerwear that was designed to be worn by sherpas become THE go to clothing item for sorority girls, suburban women on their night out, and young urban moms pushing Jack and Lexi around in their Bugaboo Baby Stroller?

With most fashion trends, the said trendy item only OCCASSIONALLY shows up. Take for example the skinny tie. You can hate it all you want, but it is not EVERYWHERE you turn. Stroll through your workplace RIGHT now and you will be surprised if you see two skinny ties and those guys will probably stop wearing them because they are sick of people asking them if they are auditioning for the lead singer of a Killers cover band.

On the other hand, I can be at a bar (most likely), Target, Annas, a Red Sox game, Bloomingdales, my worthless workplace, the gas station, Whole Foods (I think they are required attire here), or the movies and I'll see 18,467 women wearing some sort of fleece pullover with The North Face emblem on it.

And that's my main issue with The North Face. The sheer volume of them. Once, I saw some girl wearing a jacket that could only be described as a cocoon and of course, she went with this larvae look because the little rainbow like quarter arc North Face symbol showed up on it. Little did she know that she looked like an oversized Tootsie Roll. Now granted, the look was ridiculous, but at the very least, she was ATTEMPTING to be different. The ubiquity of these jackets is stunning on two counts: 1) Trends rarely last this long and 2) It's shocking because women all hate each other so much and so it is a surprise that they ALL want to fashionably express themselves in precisely the same way. What ever happened to being a little different and standing out? I mean c'mon ladies! Mix it up! Please! Short of a Patriots Starter Jacket, try another form of outerwear! How about a UMass hoodie? One that is extra boxy and ill fitting though?

Anyways, the weather (theoretically) is getting warmer and so we should have a few months off from The North Face Phenomenon (unless North Face thinks to invent The North Face Tank Top). But, if it is rainy and/or below seventy on Monday, I guarantee you I will see enough North Face jackets to keep every Inuit in the world toasty warm for ten generations. I also guarantee that I will see myriad Uggs, plenty of denim skirts (too cold to do without the fleece shell, yet strangely, not cold enough to don pants) a fair share of Varitek jerseys, and plenty of pink hats. But we'll save that rant for mid September when the Sox are mired in third and the Pink Hats have all dried up.

Oh, and I bet I see a tribal or two. That is if I can still see of course.