Excuse MHS, Can I Still Get My Job Back?

Well, this is disconcerting. I probably shouldn't have handed my principal a letter of resignation with all of those colorful "suggestions" about how to better do his job. Anyways, here is the email that I got early this morning:

Gerad (did I spell that right?),

I'm really sorry about the confusion, but the email that I sent to you is actually incorrect. For some reason, I got you mixed up with my other client, Tom Brady.

My assistant Doug Ross, said to me that I need to send out an email to "Tom Brady, that guy Gerard is wicked jealous of and pretends to hate."

And because I was in a meeting with Zach Braff, one of my more important clients, I only heard, "send an email to... Gerard."

So, I know this is really embarrassing, but I regret to inform you that it is not your book Penguin is picking up. In fact, it is Tom Brady's. They found his autobiography particularly riveting. They really liked how he went from a California kid to this New York urbanite in just ten years. Then they loved the part about him taking the job from some stiff named Fredsoe. They also really liked the explicit details of his relationship with Gisele. Further, they found him a better writer than you and he even knew what "apogee" meant. Penguin heard you had to look that up when you saw it in The Atlantic.

Also, I meant to say a 50 MILLION dollar advance, not 50 thousand. Really, I don't know how I confused the two of you because you are just so different. Tom is so good looking, so fit, so well dressed, so talented, so well spoken, so intelligent, so athletic, so good at Scrabble!, so good at NHLPA 95, he went to a way better college, his package is way bigger, and he's way better at his job than you. In fact, I can't think of a single way that the two of you are alike. The only real similarity is the way his body looked at the combine in 2000 and the way your body looks today. Now THERE is a similarity! If it just weren't for gorgeous, intelligent, witty Zach Braff sitting in front of me distracting the hell out of me, I may have been more diligent. Anyways, I digress...

Well, stick with it Jerad. I'm sure your book, Garden State Revisted will be a big success. My assistant's, assistant's, assitant- who is a Cape Cod Community College intern- has been reading it and he thinks it's really, REALLY great. He especially likes the part where you have a kid wearing a shirt that is the same pattern as his grandmother's wallpaper and so he blends in! Really witty stuff Gerry!

My time is precious, so I gotta run. Diablo Cody is coming in for a 10 o'clock. We are discussing her remake of Star Wars. I guess it's going to be a revisioning where she takes a look at the really funny parts of Luke and Leia's mom's pregnancy. Should be a hoot. Then I got Dane Cook at 11. He's shopping a book about all his really funny jokes, like the predator sound effect.

You know how busy I am, but nice chatting. Again, sorry about the misunderstanding. Hope you didn't post that email on your myspace or facebook or whatever it is you have. Not that anyone reads it...

Anyways, be well Gregg...

-Angie

Bloggers Note... It's a big part of the blogosphere (hook up jumper cables to my nipples now: I just used the word blogosphere) to write witty April 1 entries. Check out the one on stuff white people like. Happy I got some of you. I was going to write a piece about me being the test case for the male birth control pill, but I wanted to go with something that was a little more UNBELIEVABLE! And if you look closely, you'll notice the names Doug Ross and David Mills. IMDb these names and you'll see they are characters played by a couple of dudes I worship... I mean like. And if you took the time to google the picture that accompanied the post, well... Sorry if I really bothered anyone by the way. Now, you won't believe it when it really does happen. Which it won't...