Yes, I Do Know Who Led The Royals In RBI in 1997 (Dean Palmer)

There are many things that make me a geek. My Star Wars Shelf. The fact that I am the Chess Coach at MHS. My love for the daily crossword. I took Latin in college (lots of REALLY hot girls in that class).

But the single biggest bit of geekdom that I am involved in is Fantasy Baseball. And I love it.

Fantasy sports have evolved to the point where EVERYBODY has a fantasy football team. Even women. In fact, a woman my brother knows said to him recently, "I can't wait for fantasy football to start up again." Cross her off the list of people I want to date. Other things that I find uber geeky are also now culturally acceptable, like golf, liking David Archuletta, and watching musicals.

But for some reason, fantasy baseball is still considered by the masses to be SUPER geeky. Maybe it's because we use acronyms like VORP (which I bet less than 1/100th of the population uses). Or maybe it's because baseball players don't tackle each other. Or maybe it's because we ask questions like, "Now that Scott Rolen is out, does Marco Scutaro go for $3.00? Or should I take a flier on John MacDonald?"

But it's always kind of confused me why fantasy baseball gets hated like it does. Tell someone you participate in a fantasy baseball league and they give you my favorite I-don't-have-time-for-that line. It sounds something like this:

"Oh, I don't have time to for that. Baseball's everyday. I'm too busy tending to my rhododendrons."

To me, that sounds like you saying, "I'm not smart enough to do fantasy baseball, so I'm going to shit on it."

Well, I'm here to tell you that you can call me a geek all you want. Because I'm in a fantasy baseball league and I'm proud of it.

Like many things, fantasy sports have jumped the shark (has the phrase "jumped the shark" jumped the shark?). For the seven of you that don't know, fantasy sports are a multi million (billion?) dollar industry with websites and magazines galore. As I've mentioned many a time, you cannot go to a bar or a gym locker room in mid October and NOT hear: "Donovan McNabb's 9 for 21 passing performance just killed my week."

We all know my hatred for fantasy football (don't ever call fantasy baseball fantasy football again Marissa), but I am a staunch defender of the greatness of fantasy baseball.

You might ask why I defend fantasy baseball and shit on fantasy football as the two seem so similar, but here's why I do: Baseball is awesome.

And here's the other reason why: The Karkovice League is the greatest (and quite possibly one of the longest running) fantasy leagues of all time.

Our league is led by Eric, the greatest, calmest, most fair commissioner ever. His best friend/league co-founder/partner in crime Seth is his right hand man and they make the perfect league perfect. In 1989, while I was busy wearing flourescent colored Champion sweatshirts, with pegged acid washed jeans, and boat shoes with no socks, these guys were running a fantasy league. At that time, most people thought the phrase "fantasy league" referred to a high class prostitue ring (one Elliot Spitzer probably frequented). Now granted, Eric and Seth probably didn't get that many girls (although my math teacher friends tell me that you cannot get less than zero, which is the amount of girls I got at the very same age) as they sat at the cafetaria and debated whether or not Candy Maldonado could really repeat his 22 HR, 95 RBI year (I can't believe I just referenced that. Now wonder why no women like me). But you still have to give them credit for doing something that NO ONE else did at the time. Now of course, EVERYONE participates in fantasy sports and Seth and Eric look like genuises. In that way, they are a lot like me with this whole blogging thing. I pretty much INVENTED it.

Over the years, we've had various dudes run in and out of the league (Eric and Seth. Remember how much that kinda heavyset dude in like '97 paid for Matt LeCroy? And that was even before he was the I'm-kinda-okay-because-I-qualify-at-catcher Matt LeCroy), but of late, we've had a pretty nice core.

But more important than being nice (actually, I'm not sure I even like the guys in my league. Between trash talking Dave, Neo-Con Tim, always beats me Scott, first time Lucky Bastard Brad, way too nice to be friends with me Jim, wise ass Joyce, and my wanna be Theo Epstein brother Mike, I'm not really sure I like any of these guys, save for Seth and Eric. And even then, I'm only being nice to them so they will invite me back into their league), these guys KNOW THEIR STUFF!!!!!

In years past, I've been in fantasy leagues with dudes who have as much sport intelligence as Paris Hilton (I'll never forget getting a call from my boy Tim- who was chasing me in a hoops league- saying that he acquired Michael Jordan for Drazen Petrovic, who had just died in a car accident). And I've also been in leagues with three pitching categories (remember Ken Chutchian's league Tim? How was he, with his radio ready voice, not a night DJ on Magic 106.7?) and stat sheets that were done by hand and MAILED to my house! That just isn't the case in The Karkovice League.

For starters, the guys in this league know everything. There is no sneaking anyone past these guys. They know the Rangers fifth starter (Luis Mendoza) and who might get saves if Jenks goes down (Octavio Dotel). They know they exact amount to pay for Manny Ramirez and they know not to bid any more than fifty cents on Scott Rolen (was that misdirection men?). They know that if I bring up Curt Schilling, then I have to pee and they know that when they need me to spend money, they will bring up a cool, black guy with good hair (imagine what I'd pay for Jimmy Rollins?). And if they REALLY want to make me spend my money, then they bring up the name of a guy who has had a "great spring."

And we have also moved into a new age. Instead of getting stuff mailed, we receive updates every morning via this crazy think called the internets.

But as technologically advanced, competitive, fun, and financially rewarding(potentially- but not for me since about '99) as the league is, what really makes it great is that it allows me to feel like an elitist.

When dudes with tribal tattoos and fades are discussing cars and Larry Johnson at the Bally's in Woburn, I can just shake my head and say, "these guys just aren't smart or classy enough to be in my baseball league."

And I really wish this weren't true, BUT IT IS! I have other friends who talk about their baseball "drafts" and they wonder who they should take with the nine pick.

NINE PICK?!? In fantasy baseball?!?!? You guys are amateurs! Because REAL (super dweeby) baseball guys use the auction draft. The auction draft is for ELITISTS! And not only do we do an auction draft Mr. Tribal Tattoo Boy, but we do an A.L. ONLY auction draft! With two catchers! And a middle infielder position! And seeing as we have ten guys and there are only fourteen teams, that means SIX OF US ARE GOING TO HAVE BACK UP CATCHERS ON OUR ROSTER!!!!! How elitist/dweeby/awesome is that?!? So we CAN'T get by on just knowing the Russell Martins and Victor Martinez's of the world. We need to know Tampa's back up catcher for crissakes! And Baltimore's too (is it Rick Dempsey by the way?)!

And so having to know this information makes me feel like a baseball snob, which is exactly what I like to feel.

So while Dakota from Braintree will be calling the Big Show discussing simple things like Jason Varitek's lost bat speed, we REAL baseball fans will be discussing things like who the Mariners are going to give at bats to when Sexson has a .197 2 8 line after April. And sadly, I won't get to pick up whomever that guy is because Dave will have already picked him up as he's (somehow) currently reading Rotoworld even WHILE he reads this.

So shit on me all you want folks. I love fantasy baseball. But I love OUR fantasy baseball. Nothing else comes close.

Christmas morning is almost here. But instead of opening the Atari 2600 or an Optimus Prime, I'll be deciding what to bid on Joe Mauer (not a dime over 9.50 boys).

See you Saturday Eric, Seth, Mike, Tim, Brad, Scott, Jim, Brian, Dave, Mr. Saber, and Mr. Berger. I'm bringing my A game this year, so there will be no exorbitant Dan Haren bids.

Coming tomorrow: The Top Ten Reasons Why Fantasy Baseball Is Way Better Than Fantasy Football...