I think I'm doing something really wrong. Because I don't get many comments and when I do, they can be tough. Or, I'm doing something really right, because as I said to another commenter (is that even a word?), I'm writing stuff that is at least having an impact.
On Monday, I opened my email to find an epicly acerbic comment from a reader who said they "stumbled" across my blog. Similar to what happened when that other person "stumbled" across my blog, I got jacked and pumped. Even though this comment (to read it, scroll down to the Your Oh So Precious Time post and read the comments) was more acidic than the blood of the alien in Alien, I was happy to think that someone fell upon my blog. But then people who read the comment (all four of the people registered for the threedaysiskindamoney fan club) started pointing something out. Something which I failed to notice (maybe I am intellectually inferior).
The commenter DEFINITELY knows me and might even know me well.
Now listen, I'm not whining. I fully understand that this thing is ON THE INTERNET and so anyone can read it. If you google me, it'll come up (granted, it shows up on page 14 or something).
I also know that I AM THE ONE who set up the comments so they can come in anonymously. I actually really like it that way. It's fun to create a dialogue and have arguments. If you know me even a bit- and you do mystery commenter (there's that word again!)- then you know that I love to inspire healthy debate. Sitting around talking about cars and showing pictures of babies gets boring. That's why you people keep me around: To start debates, have irrational opinions, and be unable to defend myself when you have a solid rebuttal (you know this has happened when I say, "Yeah..... but still")
But I guess what has bothered me today (thanks friends and family for pointing out how this person DEFINITELY has it out for me!) is what this comment COULD be.
I really hope that one of you is messing with me. Or, I hope that an embittered ex has discovered my blog. My biggest hope (and the most unlikely) is that people really, REALLY like to write vitriolic stuff to someone they have never met because said stranger inspires such TREMENDOUS dialogue with their writings.
But it has been brought to my attention that maybe, possibly, this person who wrote this is a "friend." And if that is the case well, that's pretty sad.
It's sad because I don't need any more friends. My brother frequently teases me that I have too many. I will happily rotate a few of you out (especially you McLoughlin. You're too happy and positive about our work. I need the salty guy back. And you're out too Matt Leary. Your love of Tom Brady is too much. And Mirasolo. You're from Billerica so it might be time to kick you out.).
But seriously, if this really is someone I know and you Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. Cowardly Commenter, have always wanted to say something to me, doing it this way is pretty sad. Yes, I am a "child," afraid of being intellectually inferior (I'm especially scared of this when I'm around a certain AP English teacher at MHS who clearly knows way more about everything than me) who blogs and has a lame ass job. I'm also an obnoxious, loud mouth who always thinks he's right (By the way, doesn't everybody always think they are right? Isn't that why we have the opinions we have? I wouldn't be of the opinion that Daniel Day-Lewis sucks if I didn't think I was right), thinks he's cools, and thinks he wears good jeans.
But I also know I am a pretty good friend. Any one of you can say anything to me. I'm always up for a good time. Through my therapist, I've learned to be an active listener, I'll pick up the occassional tab, and I'll give you a ride to the airport (even you Keith Hernandez).
And so if this was someone who is a "friend" and has written this bitter comment, then allow me to retort.
You are spineless.
You are absolutely SPINELESS. You are without spine.
The world of cyberspace is the perfect place for the nameless and faceless to vent frustrations. You need not worry about a response from the person receiving your inane diatribe. You can spend hours crafting exactly what you want to say. You can even have a friend help you out. You don't have to worry about shaking or being bitch slapped into reality by a person unafraid to back down from confrontation. You are probably the same person who emails or texts, rather than calls, your best friend when you blow off a night out with them. You don't want to have to face ANYTHING, so you go the pathetic way of electronic mail to convey your message.
Now, you may feel that I am a child and I may not want to feel intellectually inferior to anyone. This is true by the way. But then again, who wants to feel intellectually inferior? This is the same reason why I do the Boston Globe Crossword as opposed to the NY Times one. It is probably the same reason why you talk about I Am Legend at a cocktail party when when all the smart film snobs are talking about 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days.
But what is worse? Me feeling intelluctually inferior or you just feeling COMPLETELY inferior, because anyone who feels comfortable with themselves would probably just look at me and my posts; shake their heads; and laugh?
But instead, mother superior, you decided to go on some high and mighty rant about ALL of my negatives.
Apparently, you feel like you have me pegged. You feel you have "exposed" me to my four loyal readers. You feel that you- alas- purged yourself of a great deal of bitterness. You probably even felt proud of your response for a moment. You feel like you really got me and stuck it to me. You may even like your cutesy, little ending and your arm chair psychological analysis.
However, I've got to tell you something. I pay a therapist good money to tell me how worthless I am. And when I'm not paying her, I'm sitting at lunch with my real friends as they tell me what a clown I am (and how stupid my top ten actor list is). And when I'm not sitting at lunch during the week, I'm likely out with my friends who shake their heads at my preposterous comments and call me out on being an idiot. Anyone who knows "Big G"- as you clearly do- knows that I am an idiot. And so you too should know that. Better than anyone else, in fact, seeing as where you clearly know me so very well.
You should also know a few other thing, mainly that you are garbage. Is that a circular argument by the way? Too big of a word? Then let me use this: You are a weakling of epic proportions. You have a backbone as strong as Dick Rumsfeld's speaking ability. You are more cowardly than Corporal Upham when he wouldn't go up the stairs to save Private Mellish. You are weaker than Trot Nixon's hamstring. You are more cowardly than me attempting to bench two plates.
Is this linear enough for you? Were the words small and understandable? I can supply a link to dictionary.com if need be.
If it's not, I've got more. Call me all the names you want. Deride me until the sun burns out. But if you really are a friend and didn't have the spine to confront me on ANYTHING in person, then please leave my life. Forever.
But I really hope this wasn't a friend.
Now, in an attempt to end on a light note, I really hope it is one of you fuckers fucking around with me. And if it is? WELL DONE! You got me! Hard core. Just know I'm "forgetting" my money the next time we go for drinks.
And if this is an ex of any type, I understand your anger. I really do. In fact, I'm sorry. For whatever I did. I was young, stupid, brash, arrogant (well, I'm still kinda that, but less so), and well..... Prickish. So..... Sorry. If you ever see me out, say hi. I'll buy you a cosmo and apologize to you in person. And then I'll say to my friends, "That was the crazy girl who sent rants on my blog!" (Really, I won't say that. Or at least I'll leave out crazy. I know women don't like that word very much. In fact, you may like syphilis more).
And on the odd chance this is ACTUALLY a random person, well..... I'm not sure what I have to say, other than you take yourself more seriously than John Mayer takes himself. Or you are unfamiliar with blogs. Or you have no idea what the op/ed section of a newspaper is. For my next post, I'll report the weather here in Boston.
Anyways, I'll be back with a real post tomorrow. I've had lots percolating, so, just to warn you, it may be a Shaughnessey emptying out the desk drawer of the mind one.
Speaking of which, how many hateful emails do you think he gets per day (most signed, S. Smerlas, Sudbury)? I'm betting 24,187 since everyone I know hates the guy. So I guess I should stop whining now. It's pathetic. And I could certainly have it worse.
I mean, every one of you probably has like three or four negative things to say about me, correct?
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3 or 4, i could come up with at least 10 negative things to say about you. haha. maybe i'll list them anonymously at some point...
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say that you must be really annoyed that you can't figure out if I am a friend or a foe. But alas, I must remain a mystery - not because I am scared but because this is just that much more interesting this way.
ReplyDeleteI had such high hopes for you Gerard. All that therapy. All the alleged introspection and growth. It might be time to face the fact that you are wasting all that good drinking and fancy jeans money on a therapist as you have not grown at all. If you had, you might have actually taken a few moments to realize that I wasn't attacking you or getting some long pent up frustrations about you off my chest. Vitriolic? Hardly. I chose my words carefully. But as the saying goes, "the truth hurts." Instead you would have seen the post for what it was - a chance to honestly face who you really are and stop trying to be something you are not. Oh, you no doubt are fuming at this notion and mentally, or verbally, concocting numerous examples to disprove what I am saying, but if you take a look deep down at yourself, you might actually see some truth to what I am saying.
You say that you aren't whining, but that is all you do in your "retort." You try to make arguements to refute what I said but they are weak...."by the way, doesn't everybody always think they are right?" There are several people who come to mind that this statement is a direct reflection of and they are G.W. Bush, Osama bin Laden, and Curt Shilling. Great company to be in huh, Big G?
You say that I am spineless. Then go on to say that I am without spine. You then revert to child mode and start attacking my intellect and asking if the words you are using are too big and offering to lend me a dictionary. You infer that I took days to draft my comment and perhaps even needed the assistance of a friend. Oh how very clever. My hat is off to you good sir. Well done. I have seen the same behavior from small children whenever they fail to comprehend a situation. But I also know that you just use those tactics because you really don't have any way to counter my arguements. Where children can be excused for using that method as they are far being a 34 year old grad of UMass Amherst and a teacher, you can't.
You claim to be a good friend. I made no aspersions to you not being one. Imagine how good a friend you'd be if you focused on growing up. You can be brash and loud and wear cool jeans and quip in your blog about all sorts of things that have no real bearing on life, and that is all find and dandy. It's good to have an outlet. However, when you use these things as a crutch or a mask or just because you are too lazy or too afraid to take a long hard look at yourself. Then it is truely a shame.
So go ahead and believe that I am every name in the book that you can muster to mind. Believe that I am using cyberspace as a shield. Be content to live in your fantsy world where I talk about "I am Legend" at a cocktail party instead of what all the "cool kids" and "smart film snobs" are talking about -- as if being a smart film snob is an achievement. Or, you can challenge yourself for once in your life. Try doing the NY Times crossword - who care if you don't finish it the first 20 times you do it. Just use it as an opportunity to learn and educate yourself. Try having a conversation with someone about a topic and instead of trying to impose your opinion on them, listen to what they have to say, absorb it, view it from a different perspective, and take it as that - their opinion and not an affront to your view on the subject. Stop taking the easy route. Stop living behind the walls you built around yourself and try just being Gerard - Not the Gerard you think you need to be but the real Gerard.
Thus ends this edition of "Annonomous Arm Chair Psychology." But before I go and before you decide to fire off another missive in response, read through what I have to say a few times and really think about it before you respond, if you so choose to.
Gerard,in my opinion this sounds like the type of person who would break into someone's email and CC everyone important to you past and present telling them personal details about you and your relationships. (Run on sentence?) Apparently time cannot heal bitterness and the the juvenile actions of a woman forgoten.
ReplyDeleteAnd BTW there's no "e" in arguments or truly...
ReplyDeleteIf this is a "friend" of Gerard's playing a joke then it's funny but if it's something else (as Matt alludes to) then get a life, get over Gerard and MOVE ON! You should seek therapy for yourself!
If writing anonymous blogs to Gerard is "that much more interesting" then you need to find a hobby & a man/woman...quickly. If you think you have the power to change someone or make a statement you've been yearning to make in person but didn't have the balls to do in the past then, I'm sorry to say, it's too late. You will not have success with an anonymous blog comment...you need a reality check. The real question is why do you even care what type of person Gerard is unless you are STILL in his life. You are not going to prove a point this way. If you are, indeed, anonymous then this is a classc case of the world wide web attracting crazies! This is just plain pathetic, and you know it...can anyone say laces out???