HA HA!

Today's post was supposed to be about all the things that- in addition to the Patriots and their fans- I hate. It was going to be really angry. I'd been thinking of things that I hate for two weeks, like the book Eat, Pray, Love and the word "spread" when it is used to describe the food layout for an event. But then something strange happened.

I became gleefully and blissfully happy.

Nobody likes a trash talker. I get that. And everything that needs to be said about the game has been said. But this isn't about the game. This is about why I (and many others apparently) hate The Patriots.

Since 2002, I've had Tom Brady pictures cover my office, I've had a friend buy me a "Brady Bunch" shirt, I've had veteran teachers who I'm friendly with but not friends with ask, "What's Drew doing this week?" I've had my brother say, "DREAMY!!!!!" after each and every tremendous Tom Brady performance. I've had people email me pictures of Brady looking fit in Stetson ads and I've had people email me articles about Tom Brady winning the Best Dressed Man Alive award (besting Beckham and Pitt mind you).

And last night I received the best compliment I've ever received from my friend Steve: I've been a good sport about it.

I feel like I have been. I whine and cry and complain and bitch. All the time. It's what I do. I complain that "my controller isn't working" when I lose a video game and I whine about an opposing team getting easier questions when I lose a game of Trivia Pursuit. I whine about luck and injuries and stupid guys playing well when I lose in fantasy baseball and I call everyone stupid when a movie I think stinks wins an award. And I cry like a sophomore who just got dumped by her boyfriend when the political candidate I support loses. But at the end of the day, you can always tease me about it. I'll take it.

I put myself out there. In fact, I like putting myself out there. I could not, but I do. I'm sure it's entertaining for many of you. But I do it, partly because it allows the attention to be on me (well, thats mostly it), but I also do it because the world would be a pretty boring place without obnoxious pricks like me.

But every once in a great while, I make a prescient statement (getting Carlos Beltran for a buck fifty in '97, deciding to shovel the night before the snow froze over). And then every once in a great while, something goes my way (actually, I shouldn't say every once in a great while. My life has been pretty charmed relative to most).

Last night, something went my way. And seeing everyones reaction to my reaction has been pretty upsetting. And funny.

Did you expect me to come in and fold my hands and talk about Tiger's win at Dubai? If you did, sorry to disappoint. Plus, that would be painfully banal.

In recent years, I haven't watched the Super Bowl. I did this year because I had a couple of good places to go. Also, I wanted to see the outcome of this one either way. Further, as I said at the outset, I was ready for one hell of a cranky post. Needless to say, I've had to change speeds.

Last night, a couple of people asked me why I hate the Patriots so much. This is both a fair and an unfair question. It's fair because I love domination- perhaps more than anyone- and so it would seem this is the perfect team to love. Also, the team is absolutely not hatable. It's got a bunch of dudes who are right up my alley (Moss, Samuel, Merriweather, Hobbs, Maroney) and they have a quarterback who I should probably have a man crush on. And they are my home team.

But it's unfair because why does anyone hate any team? Why do Patriot fans hate Manning? He seems funny and not pompous and he plays hurt and all that good stuff. Why do Bostonians hate all things New York? It's the greatest city on Earth and if you take a walk through the Lower East Side on a June Saturday, you'll see no Yankee/Met/Jet/Giant yahoos. It's a melting pot of personalities, cultures, and tastes and for the most part, New Yorkers couldn't care less about Boston and their sports teams.

So all hatred of sports teams is both rational and irrational. I have never lied about mine. I loved Drew Bledsoe (saw a Washington State Alumni license plate holder this morning by the way). He lost his job to Tom Brady and Tom has done what Drew never could and that's be WICKED GOOD.

But in recent years, I've come to hate the Patriots not just because of Dreamy Tom, but because of their yahoo fans. In the past months, I've read articles about how fans have pregame chants and wear Bill Belichick wigs on the days of Patriots games. I've read articles about guys who dress up as Captain America (how exactly is a comic book character related to the New England Patriots again?), paint their heads (THEIR WHOLE HEADS!) and call themselves Mr. Freeze (Side Note: I can no longer be made fun of for "having no life" because I blog and have a Star Wars shelf for these Football Super Fans are off the loser charts. They are only not teased because they do the geekiest of geeky things in honor of something "manly" like football.). I've read about what XXXL Official Patriot Jersey you choose to you and wear says about your personality. And I've also listened to A LOT of WEEI. Or should I say, The Church of Bill Belichick.

In case you haven't listened to WEEI (The Big Show in particular), you might not know that the four horsemen and their disciples (the kool aid drinking super fans) gush about the greatness of the Patriots and their HC, Bill Belichick. They've been at it all year and boy have they sounded smug.

No one likes smug. No one likes arrogant. And no one likes trash talkers. That's why people love seeing me lose in Scene It, they love seeing Clemens accused of steroids and for all of you Pats Super Fans who can't see it right now, people love seeing you and your Patriots lose.

If the fans were different- if someone locally would have actually ripped Belichick for the videotaping, if an out of towner actually enjoyed their trip to Foxboro- then maybe people would feel for your team. Seriously. Because like I said a few paragraphs ago, who hates this team? What's to hate about Tedy Bruschi, Mike Vrabel, that O line? Who hates Ben Watson or Stephen Gostkowski? They don't DO anything hateable! They don't have sound bites whining about practice and they don't walk off the field with two seconds left (just their coach does). The team is pretty likable. There is no A-Rod or Kobe to be found among them. No villain, no despicable wife beater. Just a bunch of guys who are really..... Boring.

But what is so utterly unlikable is the fanbase. For months and months, the Patriot fans have smugly gone about and touted (rightfully so by the way) the greatness of their team. They have worn the jerseys, proclaimed their domination, and laughed at all who tried to challenge the mighty P-Men. They have become The NFL's Yankee fans.

And I have absolutely no problem with this by the way. Talk up a storm. They should have been proclaiming domination because, after all, they were dominant (key word being were).

But what I have a huge problem with is the reaction of the Patriot fans in the wake of all us. You lost. Take it. You've been running your mouths for five months and now you can't anymore and people are happy. They are happy to see YOU (not so much the team) lose.

And so OF COURSE we Patriot Haters (me in particular) are going to laugh and talk trash.

What did you expect us (me) to do? Shut up? Bigger men might have, but bigger men we (I) are not.

So six years of Bledsoe taunts and a fleet of Brady emails later, all I have is today. So quit whining about it. Take your medicine and realize that every action has a consequence. Your incessant bravado never contemplated that there might be a loss. Well there was. And I love it.

So stop asking me why I hate the Patriots and stop complaining about my and the rest of the countries gloating. You had your five month run. You should have been prepared for the possibility of a loss, but you weren't.

And now you have to face a few weeks of gloating from the Patriots haters. Let me tell you that there are plenty of us and gloat we will. But let me also tell you that it will all be over soon. I'll get bored with it. Probably by tonight.

But take heart sports fans. Next year will bring a new football season and the Patriots will likely be back in the super bowl. And for all of you whining that I'm gloating, you can gloat tomorrow when Obama get's his ass kicked and I'm whining about the country being full of racists.

Until then, bye bye Pats Fans. Sorry Pete, Fred, Steve, and Big O. Sorry Captain America and Mr. Freeze and old guys in Starter Jackets. At least pitchers and catchers report in less than two weeks.

But I think that you can only wear your Spider Man costumes to Fenway. Ownership doesn't like Captain America.