You And Your Sister Live In A Lemonworld

There's only one thing that could bring me out of semi-retirement.

And that's The National.

After three years, The World's Greatest Band is finally releasing a new album today. It is obviously awesome. More importantly though, it just makes me really happy because I've been looking forward to this album since they announced it's release three months ago.

And I've come to realize that looking forward to stuff is really all I've got at the ripe old age of 36. Since every Sunday at 11 to every Friday at 2:30 is essentially Groundhog Day where I wake up every morning either- A) Coming up with three good reasons why I shouldn't call in sick or B) Wishing away the next 24 hours, thus making myself a day older- having something to get me through the week is essential.

These Groundhog Days get particualrly gruesome in the winter months as we all know and so I've found the only way to get through these months is to have something to look forward to. In January, I could look forward to my birthday (and receiving gifts), the end of football, and February Vacation. In February, I could look forward to concerts (March is a strangley good concert month), my March Madness trip with the UMassholes, and the Guiness Cupcakes my sister makes for St. Patricks Day. In March, I got to anticipate the Florence and The Machine show (quite possibly the best show I have seen by a band without the word "national" in it), my baseball draft and of course, April Vacation. And May brought thoughts of warmth, seniors leaving, and of course, the release of High Violet.

It might not seem like much, but really, all we have is the hope of getting us through awful days. I mean, aren't we all really looking forward to a day of waking up too early, ironing, rushing to get to work on time, battling through a work day, going for a sick run at the free of hot girls Woburn BSC, going to night school, driving home, sitting on the couch watching movies I've already seen 12 times for two hours, and then waking up and doing it all over again? I'm not. But who is?

And we can handle this in one of two ways. We can bitch about it or we can deal with it.

The worst kind of people are those that bitch about it. Those that give you a REAL answer when you ask them "hiya doin?" While I understand that I asked, I do not care that you have the sniffles or that your stomach hurts; I do not care that your day was long or that you're tired. I definitely don't care that you have so much to do today and that you're swamped with work. No shit you're all of those things... We all do. So short of your dog dying, your child child having an allergic reaction to a bee sting, your house blowing up from a gas leak, or you not feeling good about your outfit, I don't want to hear about your piddling problems. Wake up, drink a coffee, deal with Tuesday, shut the fuck up, and repine for the weekend.

Now, enough of my acerbic attitude (I'm not feeling good about this zit on my cheek, which is also an acceptable reason for complaining) because I came here to help you, not to hurt you. How did I come here help you? Well, by telling you the stuff you can look forward to in the coming months. Yes, I know it is a cold Tuesday in May and we still have PLENTY of work days left before summer is here (May is an underrated month in its suckiness... 31 days... One day off... No holidays to get presents... Never as warm as you want it... Not many good films are released... Summer is not quite here...), but rather than bitching about how your shoulder hurts or how cold it is, try looking forward to a few things. Like these...

13. The National at The House of Blues on June 2nd and 3rd: You really expected this list to start with something else?

12. Summer Books: Because I am a white person who likes plenty of stuff that white people like, I should probably say how my summer reading list includes boning up on my extistentialism with Nietzsche or rereading The Dubliners again, but that will not be the case. I will instead be reading another Emily Giffin book and plowing through part II of The Strain hoping that that team of ragtag New Yorkers can stop the vampires from taking over the world. You should be looking forward to doing the same.

11. Seeing A Movie You Had No Idea You Would Like That Much: Being the movie snob that I am, I way prefer Oscar season, but there is something to be said for walking into a movie house (so you can feel like you are doing something other than drinking) on a Wednesday and seeing an unbelievably entertaining movie like The Hangover or Inside Man or Signs. While I already know Predators will disappoint me and Harry Potter will be acceptably good, I do know there is a movie out there that will jump up and slap me in the face with excitement. While I don't know what it is, not knowing is the exciting part.

10. Open Tables At Restaurants: With students gone on and suburbanites headed to Falmouth and Salisbury, the summer is an awesome time to walk into a restaurant on a whim that you have been dying to try. Even if it is slightly crowded, you can stand by the open windows and have a glass of sangria and wait because it's the summer and waiting is just fine. Or worse case, you can just walk to the restaurant next door because it's so damn nice.

9. Tanned Girls In Dresses: Now, I know it may seem this particular pleasantry may ONLY be enjoyed by half of the population but really ladies, tell me you are not happier when you are slightly tanned?!? And unless you have cankles, putting away those big sweaters and boots for a few months has to be pretty good, right? As for the males, never in my life have I seen dresses more awesome than they currently are right now, which leads me to this momentary lament: If you went to college between the years of 1992-1996 like I did, you went to college during the absolute worst female fashion era in the history of mankind. This four years was like a Fashion Great Depression. I watch videos on Barstool Sports every night and see girls in spandex dresses that make denim shorts seem as long wedding gowns. In 1995, we males had huge flannels flowing over tapered cords and a pair of Doc Martens to look at. Thanks Kurt Cobain.

8. Sitting In The Monster Seats: It's literally been 15 years since the Red Sox REALLY sucked and with the Pink Hatification of the Red Sox, almost an entire generation has grown up with the Sox being awesome. Few remember the days of All Star Scott Cooper, Steve Avery as the staff ace, getting no hit by Mariners pitchers, and Shrek Headed Ivan Calderon. In those days, you could get two tickets for $5 (I really did in 1992) and move down to the box seats. And while that has gone, if the Red Sox continue laying the turd bomb they are currently laying, I'll be there! With you Thornton! Sam Summers all around... Speaking of Sam Summers...

7. Outdoor Drinking: C'Mon now, is there anything better? Finding the good spots can be hard, but Daedalus is a start as is Ironsides in Chralestown. But whereever you choose, what is better than a beer outside at 7:30 on a warm summer night? Speaking of beers outside...

6. Session Beers: So I've been going to Marshfield with my sister and her husband for quite a few years now and before that, I went to the same house with my friend Brian. Could be the best week of the year. Every year, we have memorable lines that come back from the cottage, such as The Clarett Jug, Penis Butter, and Anne Frank making lobster rolls. Anyways, the early clubhouse leader is session beers, which was taught to me by a British Allagash Beer Saleswoman on the night of a beer dinner. Session beers are just beers you can rip open and drink all day and night. Think Miller Lite, Pabst, or summer's favorite session beer, Corona Light. I can't wait to waste a summer day with 29 session beers, be it one of the three days I play golf or on my back porch while I grill a steak. I also look forward to cleaning the vomit off of myself.

5. Summer In NYC With The National: Wait, who are The National?!? Anyways, it's been two consecutive summers that I've enjoyed a fine NYC evening outdoors with The National. July 27th will make it three. You should go.

4. The Day That Just Comes Together: Sure, this can happen any night at any time of the year, but it is ALWAYS something to look forward to because there is MORE of an opportunity for it to happen during the summer. Whether it was a random night in August at The Warren Tavern with the UMassholes or an afternoon at some random waterfront bar in some random beach town with Brian and the cougars or a Sunday afternoon with Mike, Georgia, and Marissa inventing the Ranking Game, the summer day that just comes together is always awesome.

3. Shopping Outside: Because Harvard Square is so fun slipping on ice and undoing and redoing my scarf as I run in and out of stores in January.

2. The World Cup: So as many of you know, my opinions change every once in a while. Had I had a blog between the ages of zero and 32, I probably would have had 237 posts raging against soccer. Until I watched the World Cup four summers ago. I ended up catching the final with all the Italian Meatballs in the North End (and being the only guy rooting for Spain) and had the best time ever. While this year likely can't replicate what happened four years ago, I'll give a shot at making it happen.

1. Schools Out: And I can do any of the above, even on a Tuesday night and why? Because a Tuesday in July isn't groundhog day. Thank Christ.