Your Oh So Precious Time

It's been awhile I know. I'm sure you've all been waiting with bated breath for my next post. I bet you couldn't even get through your days without it. I decided to take a COMPLETE vacation during vacation. Of course, I did not take a drinking vacation. Or a being an ass vacation.

During my respite though, I did have my greatest blog moment yet. A person who was doing a Google search (I'm not sure exactly what s/he was searching for. Obnoxious Mass Bloggers? People Who Hate The South? Wanna Be Chuck Klostermans? Teachers Who Blog When They Should Be Correcting 60 Day Old Exams?) came across my blog entry about the worthlessness of the south and guess what? She responded with a scathing comment/rant! It was awesome! I felt like my post ACTUALLY had an effect (albeit a hugely negative one) on someone. So anyways, scroll down to the "Aren't You Glad You Live In Mass?" post from September and click on comments and see the impact I had! I haven't had anyone this fired up since my "concession" speech after the 2004 elections.

And in a way, reading this comment and then reading some people's comments to an IMDb post I left inspired today's blog, which I certainly found "time" for.

There are lots of words and phrases that bother me. I could care less, irregardless, revert back, ATM machine, and supposebly are all quite irritating when you hear them. Irregardless is especially painful when spoken with the really thick Boston accent. But I'm beginning to realize that there is a new phrase that is bothering me and that is "I don't have the time for this....."

You get this a lot on the internet, particularly when you are a blogger or an IMDb poster. This phrase has been iring me for some time. At first, it was just a minor annoyance, like a gnat, but it has reached new heights in recent days. Before I fully get into this (bet you can't wait!), allow me to digress momentarily (Note: For some reason, I am particularly angry today. Maybe it's because I actually have to work a full week or maybe I'm chafed that Brady broke Bledsoe's franchise record for most passing yards, but something is amiss).

I do lots of "stuff." I really do. None of it is super intelligent and I'm certainly not spending my time volunteering in soup kitchens, but if it's stuff you want, well then it's stuff I do. I've probably seen more movies than most people my age. I read (Books Jerry, books). I occassionally finish crossword puzzles. I know how to play cribbage and chess. I could definitely beat you in NHLPA 95. I've been to museums, seen a bunch of plays (even some Shakespeare!), eaten at decent restaurants, and run a few races. I've won my fantasy baseball league, caught a huge trout, taken off a pool cover, and made pretty decent gingerbread cookies. I can tell you the Modern Library's #1 Best Book of All Time (it's by Sue Grafton, no?), I can change a tire pretty quickly, I know whose on the $20 Bill, I can locate the Andes Mountains on a map (that's where those soccer players ate each other, right?), I know how to put up a tent (thanks boys from the camping trip!), and I can tell you what Vera Wang does .

Oh, and I write. Not well, but hey, it least it's not plagiarized.

Here's some stuff I don't know (If I listed it all, I'd have to quit my job and write for 9 years straight). Who the third wide receiver on The Arizona Cardinals is, what "hitting it fat" means, how to blanch butter, what crown molding is, the ins and outs of No Child Left Behind, who the father of Julia Roberts kids is (Josh Brolin?!?!?), how to fire a gun (but I should probably learn in case the zombies come), and I can't take care of a plant. I couldn't finished Atlas Shrugged (I didn't get it), I've never been on a hike, I don't know 25 year scotch from 2 month scotch, the ending of The Prestige momentarily (MOMENTARILY!) confused me, I don't know what subcutaneous tissue is, I can't name three Bob Dylan songs, and I don't get what the big deal is with The English Patient (although I like it a bit more than Elaine).

So what's my point? Well, we all have different interests. We all like to do different "stuff." We all have different "lives." And so when someone is doing something different than you, don't dump on it and DEFINITELY don't say "I don't have time for this," because you know what? You probably do have time for this. In fact, all you have it is time.

I saw Jerry Seinfeld live a few years ago and he did a great bit about spare time. He said that everyone says "Life is too short" when in fact, life is painfully long. He made a hilarious point about how he walks around and sees people playing games on cell phones, sitting in restaurants, and basically, doing all manner of inane things. In fact, he said, "You guys are here right now, killing an hour."

And here's the thing: He's right!!!!! Let's face it. We all have lots of time. We do. Some have more than others, some less. I work multiple jobs and am rarely home during the week. But I probably have more time than my cousins, who have five children.

And so I hate, hate, HATE when people say, "I don't have time for this." You know what you are really saying when you say "I don't have time for this?" You are saying, "I have no intelligent response to the valid point or points you just brought up so I am going to demean them with a trite, pseudo-intellectual phrase that it now the most overused phrase in the English language."

Couple true stories.....

Long ago, I posted a a piece on IMDb about the worthlessness of Garden State. It was basically my crowning achievement as I have never got more people fired up in my entire life. It was even referenced in a Canadien newpaper article (here's the link: http://overheard.loveneverfails.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/02/modern-cynicism.html) It was like I walked into a MacDonalds and starting gunning innocent people down. People were apoplectic. I had so many responses to my post and most of them started off with, "I don't have the time to refute all of your points so let me just say....." And then they insulted me with various comments about my lack of a "life" and that I should have something better to do with my "time."

Then, over Christmas Vacation, I got an email saying (not insuating, SAYING) that Barack Obama is a Muslim terrorist that is going to try to take down the United States. I wanted to let this go, but I couldn't. So I responded. And I got no emails saying, "Gee, Gerard. You are right. You really hammered down those ridiculous points." Instead, I got responses about my use of "time" and "energy."

So let me get this all straight.....

While you were home splitting the atom (or blanching the butter maybe?), you just happened to stumble across IMDb, got a membership (you need that to read and respond to posts), typed in "Garden State," scrolled down to my piece, clicked on respond, and then sat down at the keyboard and typed up a response? Or maybe, while you were attempting to create the SUV that can get 50 miles to the gallon, you just happened on an op-ed piece about an AMERICAN running for president who just might be a terrorist (I can't believe that the FBI has missed this by the way!), decided it was a really valuable and useful nugget of information, cut the web address, pasted it into an email, and forwarded it to all your friends? Is that a good use of your "time?" Are you spending your oh so valuable "time" better than I am?

And if so, what are you doing with your "time?" Travelling the world? Kayaking? Making pottery? Taking jujitsu lessons? Reading Confederacy of Dunces? Inventing a calorie free chocolate molten lava cake? Memorizing the preamble to the Constitution?

I try really hard not to make fun of what people do. In yesterdays Globe, there was an absoutely hilarious story about tailgating Patriot fans (one group has a chant they do before games!!!!! A CHANT!!!!!). I made fun of them yes, and laughed hysterically all the while, but hey, if that's what they like to do, then by all means, do it.

So the next time you are watching a "great" rerun of the West Wing, scanning rotoworld to see who the Royals are going to call up now that David DeJesus went down, reading that US Weekly, watching dancing with the stars, searching for before and after pictures of Ashlee Simpsons nose jobs, watching Caddyshack, sitting in the food court, or raking leaves, remember that your time really isn't that valuable. Or at least, it's no more valuable than mine. And what you may consider completely inane may be actually enjoyable to someone. And what you consider great use of your "time" may just be the worst thing I could possibly think of doing.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to building a Millenium Falcon out of Legos.....