The Inevitable Has Finally Happened

There are some things you can just see coming.

You know M. Night Shyamalan's next movie will suck. You know the ending to Lost will disappoint everyone. You know I will somehow find a way to make a song by The National number one on my year end list. You know Bill Simmons will reference Shawshank Redemption in his next post. You know a high school boy will say something unfunny today in every high school throughout the nation.

So it should come as absolutely no surprise that I have changed my mind about something I once very passionately despised. So here it goes.

I love Tom Brady.

Not respect or like or find funny. I literally LOVE Tom Brady.

In the words of Ra Ra Riot in my Kermit the Frog voice (sorry, way too inside of a joke), what am I supposed to do? Look at that picture! He's even wearing the Big G uniform!

In all seriousness how am I NOT supposed to love a guy who says what he said in GQ's new issue?!?

IN PRINT- for all Masshole, meatball, truck driving, Wrangler wearing, Patriot fans to read- he has this gem...

"Flat fronts. Always. I see so many guys, really athletic guys, wearing pleats and I just shake my head. Like, Tiger Woods used to wear pleated pants! I'm like, C'mon, Tiger!"

How can I not love a guy who says to millions of New Englanders who sit on their couch in their tasseled shoes and dad jeans that their wives bought for them fifteen years ago this...

"I think any man who lets a woman pick what he should wear... I mean, you gotta draw the line somewhere as a man. I see these guys, 'My wife told me to wear this!' And I just shake my head."

How can I not love a guy who is the very ANTITHESIS of the sport I hate?!? He lives in the Back Bay (not Medfield or Sharon), he hangs out with fashion designers (most of whom are likely gay and thus, loathed by football fans), he presses the flesh with world renowned photographers who have no care what he does for a living, and instead of talking about about Michael Vick and roughing th passer penalties in an interview, he talks about the pros and cons of straight leg and boot cut jeans.

Throw in the fact that in the offseason, this guy bounces off to his pad in Manhattan (when he's not jet setting across the globe for photo shoots), throws on a Yankees hat, and kills episodes of Entourage and this guy HAS to be my man.

He's the NFL's version of my boy Becks. And I officially love it.

I mean, there is no blog on WEEI. There is no trip to Fenway for a Sunday night Yankee game. Hell, this guy doesn't even show up for a charity bowling event or golf tournament. Short of having to work in this state for seven months per year, this guy is as Massachusetts as a George Bush.

And so again, what am I supposed to do?

He is the single most recognizable player in his stupid sport (to steal a line from the GQ interview, would you have any idea who Drew Brees is and he may win MVP this year?!?) and he is so against everything that is football and that just must make that season ticket holding dude who paints his head silver absolutely INSANE!!!

Part of me wants Brady to fail, just to see the backlash against him in this town because it would be epic. The fans would turn on him like Ray Liotta turned on his boys in Goodfellas (I was channeling my inner Simmons with that dated analogy) and we all know why they would. Because he isn't one of "them." he isn't a Masshole who gets his uniform dirty like Lou Merloni or scrambles around with reckless abandon like Doug Flutie. He is HOLLYWOOD and if there is anything I know, every Masshole from Stoughton to Saugus to Swansea to Southborough HATES Hollywood.

And so it must drive all these football fuck heads NUTS that they can't hate Brady because short of Joe Montana, he is the best player to ever play the most important position on the field. He wins and wins and wins. He's more clutch than David Oritz and before his freak injury last year, he was NEVER hurt. He is everything a Masshole Pats fan wants him to be.

Except he's not.

He's not that everyman because he hates pleated pants, knows what a pocket square is and is savvy enough to know that you always pair brown shoes with a navy blue suit, and rocks the gingham dress shirt with the solid skinng tie regularly (did I mention that I wore a suit to Brennan's wedding because Brady wore it and this was months before the man crush was established?!? I didn't? Well, I bet you can guess what I wore).

And I just love it.

Some things could be better. He could like coffee more. And he could drink a beer after the game. And maybe he could sit around and blog and play Playstation.

But the fact of the matter is he is the man and while you might criticize me for liking a football player, I say the fact he plays football makes him even BETTER because he is being the man in a sport where being THIS type of man is unacceptable. And that's awesome.

Oh yeah, there's one more, minor detail that makes him absolutely the man.

He's married to this...