Nice Guys Finish First

I've never been in a fight. I've never gotten arrested or been sucker. I've never had a woman at a bar slap me or dump a drink on my head (although I would love to know what I would have to do to have this happen to me). I'm not that guy who strips down on the bachelor party bus and moons passerbys on 95 (I experienced this once). I'm not the guy who pounds Jack and jumps naked into the pool. I've never been kicked out of a bar or been refused entrance to a bar. In fact, I've never even been shut off (oh wait, I was at the 99 in Woburn), fallen off a stool or passed out at a bar. I didn't womit into a bottle like my friend did on his 21st and I've never thrown a bottle at the stage. I've never creeped out a buddies new girlfriend (at least I hope I haven't) or been that way drunk guy at a one year old birthday party. About the worst thing I've done is wear a deep V-neck shirt and comb my hair with a fork.

Even though I do none of this, I have found out recently that I am the guy that people get "nervous" introducing to other people.

In the interest of full disclosure, this might make sense if you've known me in my raging twenties. Politics, classic rock, and the awesomeness of Caddyshack, The Godfather, and the greatness of the NFL are a few areas that did (and still do- but on a much calmer, more sane(r?) level) get me wound up.

Now, by no means am I asking for sympathy. My friend Bri gets nervous introducing me to people who have like personalities as me, not because of my ideas or views. He sometimes feels that two strong personalities have difficulty co-existing. And my friends Waidehi and Steve always felt the same way. And I understand that my delvery is sometimes confrontational as when someone says, "my favorite band is Rush/Sublime/Led Zeppelin," my response will NOT be, "why yes kind sir/madam, those are fine bands and while I respect you and your vast knowledge of all things music, I must say that my own personal tastes differ from yours and my musical pallete does not enjoy the melodic sounds of Geddy Lee, Robert Plant, and that dead dude who sings in Spanish." What you will hear me say (with eyes looking skyward and the accent and volume increased for the last word) is: "Led Zeppelin absolutely SUCKS!"

Now, I have come to do most of this for fun. And at this point in my life, an over the top response in regards to the arts is almost expected from others. And I hope that new people see and appreciate this and maybe get a laugh out of it. I also hope that they quickly see that they can shit on my poseur indie rock music, my Baby Gap tee shirts, and my ever changing hair. Because sitting at a party talking about how Billy is now CRAWLING, that tragic fire in New Bedford, the price it took to fill up your Acura SUV, or the best sushi in town is boring. I want a bit more and since everyone likes film, music, sports, and books, it is always fun to talk about those- mostly because the garner very strong responses.

One area where I have worked very hard to improve me "conversation" abilities is politics. I try to see where people are coming from on the War in Iraq and why they prefer a flat tax. I completely understand people who are pro-life, pro-gun (that Supreme Court decision couldn't even get me angry enough for a blog rant), and anti universal health care. And although I am a liberal, I love getting the tree huggers going about the environment and why I think recycling is stupid (I really don't- I'm just not very passionate about it). I also hope that people understand and hear me when I talk about why other countries hate us, why scoial programs are good, and how ridiculous you sound when you say we should build a wall along the Mexican border.

But one area where I will never shut my mouth, where I will never be "the nice guy," where the veins will always bulge forth from my neck is when people display an overt hatred for people of other races, cultures, or sexualities than me.

Hating gay people and immigrants and using the words ni**er and faggot are not about conservative politics and liberal politics. They are about right and wrong, that simple. Of course, we have freedom of speech in this country and if people would like to hide behind that veil, then fine. But that's a weak argument.

But back to my original point. People are sometimes nervous to introduce me to new people because said new people might have hateful view of our races, cultures, or sexualities. And they might say words like ni**er and faggot. But it is not those people they are nervous about. it is me they are nervous about because they think- know- that I will say something. And they are nervous that people may say, "yeah know, I had a good time hanging out with so and so but that gerard guy was really an asshole. I can't believe he yelled at me for saying faggot and then he got mad at me when I said Barack Obama was a Muslim. He sucks."

Allow me to say that I have never once in my life been so happy to be so hated.

Because if I ever come to the point where I am NOT the guy saying something after the word faggot is dropped, then that is the time to shoot me.

But I know that this behavior of calling people out on their overt, masked in political leanings hatred will never grant me the title of "nice guy."

And I couldn't be prouder.

I've had the discussion about the phrase, "but he's a nice guy" with many people, many times. Think about how many times you've had a conversation like this...

"He's a crazy drunk, but he's a nice guy..."

"He sometimes tells a black joke, but he's a nice guy..."

"He says really inappropriate things with women around, but he's a nice guy..."

"He likes to get in fights, but he's a nice guy..."

"He gets hookers, but he's a nice guy..."

"He hates gays, but he's a nice guy..."

"He says towel head a lot, but he's a nice guy..."

Truly, I don't have a problem with a bunch of the aforementioned. We all have flaws. And in my eyes, great people can overcome those flaws.

But it is starnge what we will excuse and why. We will excuse all level of offensive and discriminatory behavior with all manner of excuses (he comes from a different generation, he doesn't know any better), but it's starnge thatintelligence, coherence, and rationality are not excused.

And I think that's why I never hear...

"Gerard defends his beliefs, calls people on their bullshit, does it in a coherent and articulate manner, speaks his mind, rebukes people who use faggot and ni**er, but he's a nice guy..?"

I never hear that because a nice guy isn't considered nice if they open their mouth.

"Nice" guys sit back and let people say what they want and don't rock the boat. Well, we all know what those bumper stickers say, but people who don't rock the boat rarely change things.

And if you are willing to change things, then you must be willing to never be called a nice guy.

And that's what I don't get. Why do we excuse things like homophobia, racism, misogyny, and other forms of hatred with a simple phrase like, "...but he's a nice guy?" Why do we say that we "can't chnge someone" or "they are who they are?"

Saying all of that and not bothering to fight the fight is fine. I completely understand why people choose not to respond when someone drops faggot at a party. It makes everything easier to not say anything. It offends no one. But for some people, it's hard not to say something and when we do decide to say something, we are often seen in less than positive light. And you'll never earn the right to be called a "nice guy."

I'm not asking to be called a nice guy. Because I'm not. And when I do speak up, I know I run the risk of bothering people and rubbing people the wrong way. But I never wake up the next morning regretting that I didn't say anything.

So don't call me a nice guy. Never said I was. But if you are not going to call me a nice guy, then don't excuse the unaaceptable behavior of others with the caveat of, "but he's a nice guy."

Because most likely, he's not.