I Failed A Kid Because I Hate Him, But I'm Really Sorry

Rodney Harrison is so nice. He apologizes. That's special.

More importantly, Patriot Nation (Led by Deossie and Smerlas on WEEI today) is so nice. Rodney took steroids (or HGH, which there is no testing for), but he apologized. To the kids. Like Michael Vick did. And maybe like Michael Vick, he will find god. But- as most of the callers on EEI felt today- Rodney should be forgiven for he stood up and apologized. Like my headline says, I apologize for failing Mickey three years ago. Turned out I kept him out of Harvard and he was never really able to bounce back from that. Sad thing was, he had a 97 average. I just didn't like the fact that he wore pleated khakis. But I'm sorry folks. Really I am.

You know how Bill O'Reilly has that No Spin Zone (I only know because he should keeps your friends close, but your enemies closer)? The NFL should have a Spin Zone because they have done a masterful job of marketing performance enhancing drugs to the masses. It is a violent game where the biggest, fastest, and strongest are rewarded with Sportscenter highlights and multi million dollar contracts. You can take steroids in the NFL and as long as you apologize and serve your four game suspension, you are all set. What a joke.

I should give this disclaimer now: I am not an NFL fan. Actually, I hate the NFL. And Fantasy Football (I find it strange that- even though he made a really good movie about global warming- that Al Gore has somehow become a top five pick). So that complicates this argument, but only slightly.

The NFL, and more importantly its fans, have a hilarious view on steroids and performance enhancing drugs. NFL fans repeatedly bash baseball for being a league full of juice heads. They cite Sosa (or Sooser to certain senators), McGwire, Palmeiro, Canseco, Giambi, Sheffield, and Bonds. But ask your casual MLB fan to name another steroid abuser. They can't. That's because the league is filled with superstars named Reyes, Ichiro, Sizemore, Hanley, Rollins, A-Rod, Ortiz, Guerrero, Beltran, Howard (sorry, he's just fat), Ordonez, Papelbon, Rivera, Maddux..... And well, you get the point. The league is full of legit players. But yet because some reality TV, fake tanned, mullet head releases a book and one big headed loud mouth broke a hallowed record, all of baseball is tainted. I'm here to tell you that George Mitchell should be investigating the NFL. Here's why.

I go to the gym. Almost daily. There are some monster dudes there and while I am not working out at the gym that The Terminator hit during his Pumping Iron years, I have seen some big guys. But what I haven't seen is guys that look like Terrell Owens (and if they did, they would certainly be wearing all white warm up suits), Shawn Merriman, Antonio Gates, LaDanian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson, Willis MaGahee, and any other house NFL guy. Why don't I see those guys? BECAUSE YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT UNLESS YOU TAKE STEROIDS!!!!! IT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!!

And it certainly isn't possile to run, cut, catch AND look like that. It just doesn't happen.

So why then, is it MLB that is crucified but the NFL is not? It's because they "test" you say.

Well guess what. A google and Lexus Nexus search give no conclusive evidence as to what the NFL drug testing policy is. It appears that no one knows, except those that run the NFL.

But the next time you are at a cocktail party (okay, fine. KEG party. Something tells me this conversation doesn't come up at cocktail parties) ask someone what the NFL drug testing policy is. Nobody knows. Some say there is only testing at he start of the season and then never again. Why does no one find this problematic?

Let's go over to the MLB testing policy. It is completely random and one player can get tested several times per year. Ask David Ortiz who, in light of his break out years, is tested as many as eight times a year. Granted, MLB went years without a drug testing policy but after a MAJOR hue and cry, they came up with one.

Here's something else. The major league baseball suspension policy is actually tougher than the NFLs. In baseball, for a first offense, you get suspended for almost 31% of your games. In football, it is only 25%. Granted, these aren't hugely different numbers, but as any master debator (like that?) would say: Still.

But let's take it further. Rafael Palmeiro, Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire were all SURE FIRE first ballot hall of famers. And I mean slam dunks. These guys making the hall was as certain as a High School Musical nude picture scandal. It was going to happen.

But something happened along Mssrs. Palmeiro, McGwire, and Sosa's journeys to the Hall of Fame. The country decided that steroids in baseball were awful and these guys weren't getting in. They have gone from sure fire first ballot hall of famers to absolute nos in Palmeiros case (he tested positive and was banned for 50 games in case you have forgotten), pretty much nos in McGwires case, and 50/50 in Sosas case.

But as my brother accurately pointed out today, not only are these guys being denied the Hall of Fame, but two of them (McGwire and Palmeiro) literally can't show their faces in public. Honestly, have you seen either of the two? Are they in the same bunker as Dick Cheney, Suri Cruise, and Michael Richards?

I am by no means excusing the acts of said basbeall players, but is there a more hated player in all of sports than Barry Bonds? The guy was a lock hall of fmer long before we heard the word BALCO (anyone actually know what that menas?). But then his head got big, he said something ridiculous about flaxseed oil, he hates Boston, and all of a sudden, he is the antichrist.

It's hard to defend Barry Bonds. He hurts himself. But Shawn Merriman said pretty much the same thing last year and NFL fans don't bat an eye. If memory serves, I believe he made the pro bowl and was at least in the running for defensive player of the year. Now, there's Harrison.

Harrison cheated, just like Bonds, Palmeiro, Sosa, and McGwire did. And he is receiving a free pass. Why? Is it because we presume that all NFLers do this? Is it because he sounded good during his press conference? Is it because he plays for our beloved Pats? Whatever the reason, I think it is bunk.

Truth be told, I could not care less if Rodney Harrison took steroids. I really don't. I bet he would have been good anyways. And I feel the same way about Bonds. But why the different treatment? Now, I know what the easy arguments are: Baseballs most hallowed records were broken by cheaters, baseball is Americas game, Harrison was contrite. But really, if you can sit back and evaluate it realistically, the fact that the NFL gets a free pass on it's drug policy is ridiculous. They test you say. I say bullshit. More do it in baseball you say. I say bullshit.

Athletes in the NFL are freaks. I know they are not all steroid freaks (something tells me that Grammatica dude doesn't use'em), but neither are baseball players. If you came here tomorrow from Tatooine and had to pick a basbeall team just by look from all of the major leaguers, Ichiro would be the last pick I'm sure. He'd be Mr. Irrelevant. Remember that the next time you are scanning the league leaders in Average and see his name up there.

And remeber this: When Rodney Harrison makes the Hall of Fame in a couple years (and that sack/int record coupled with his rings and other stats indicate that he is a shoe in) remeber that he too, was a big fat chater. But you Mr and Mrs NFL fan gave him a pass because you liked his press conference. So if you were one of the tossers that booed Bonds in Fenway last June, please boo Harrison when he makes his debut where the Revolution play. Because if you don't, you, like the front office denizens at the NFL, are big fat fakes.