Manny, David, Derek, and Mariano all have the water skis on, waiting to hit that ramp.....

Remember when your favorite television show jumped the shark? It's always sad. I used to love 24. Then Kim got chased by a mountain lion and the shark was jumped. She didn't even have a skanky outfit on. I hear from my sister that Grey's has already jumped the shark and How I Met Your Mother, a show with real potential, is teetering on the edge of the jump almost weekly.

The great thing about the phrase (go ahead old people and non EW readers, Wikipedia it) is that you can now use it for almost anything. Music can jump the shark. The Chili Peppers jumped it when they released Under The Bridge. Every rapper who "collaborates" jumps the shark. If the Foo Fighters release one more acoustic song, they will have taken the leap. And Nickelback jumped it the day they were formed.

That said, I thik we should use it more often. We should make it a reason for a breakup. Think about it. Your friends will ask, "What happened with you and Peggy?"
"Yeah, we had to call it off. The relationship jumped the shark. Plus, her name was Peggy."

It would be great. So I have decided to coin the phrase for a sports refernce. Truth be told, I think I heard Tony Maz or Sean McAdam use it first, but they didn't put the little TM there, so I'll take credit for it.

So, with that possible act of plagiarism in mind, you know what has jumped the shark? Red Sox vs. Yankees, that's what.

The whole thing has soared right over that tank of great whites. Yankees suck, Jeter sucks A-Rod, Damon is a sell out, it's all over. It's like a pair of acid washed jeans.

But largely, like Kim tumbling through the "jungles of LA," Torre's Yanks and Francona's Sox have taken the epic Fonzie water ski jump over the shark.

When did this happen you ask? Easy. The night in October of 2004 when Pokey Reese fielded that grounder and flipped to Mr. I'm Keeping The World Series Ball (some may argue that it was the Roberts steal, but there were still a few good epsiodes left after that).

Because once the Sox beat the Yanks that night, the whole thing was rendered irrelevant. Remember when the Bruins finally won in The Forum (truth be told, I can't believe that I do) and Reggie Lemelin was jumping up and down? That took all the fun out of the rivalry. The B's went on to win that series and since then, there hasn't been a meaningful Habs/B's game played. Wear that Red CH sweater out tomorrow in Boston and absolutely no one will care (I understand that there are some other factors that contribute to this non rivalry, mainly that the Bruins suck and I can't name a Canadien unless Mathieu Schneider still plays for them). And that indifference can be traced back to that night in Montreal many moons ago.

And the same has happened to Sox-Yanks, you just haven't realized it yet because NESN and the Sox ownership won't let you. The Sox got the monkey off their backs and now, unless we go another 50, 60, 70 years getting beat up by the pinstripers, these games are just as important as next weeks against the Orioles. Throw in the fact that the Sox are up eight and the two teams play approximately 6046 times a year and, what you now have is nothing more than a NESN created rivalry.

But it's more than that (you didn't expect it to end there, did you?). The Yanks are no longer hatable. Gone are the days of rat bastards like Willie Randolph, Graig Nettles, Bucky Dent, and Lou Pinella. Heck, there's not even early 90s chuckers like Mel Hall, Roberto Kelly (no, he didn't turn into trapped in a closet R Kelly), and Danny Tartabull on the team. There's no bad blood between these two teams. In fact, there is a lot more with the Angels in light of Ortiz watching his blast off Weaver, Lackey hitting Manny for yelling after he missed a pitch, and Tavarez going, well, Tavarez on O-Cab. The bad blood is gone because..... Because, basically, all there are on the 2007 Yanks are a bunch of..... Really good guys.

Who can hate Mo? He tipped his hat and laughed his ass off opening day of '05 when the banner went up. If you hate Damon, then you re the ultimate Pink Hat, Yahoo because the Sox DO NOT WIN in '04 without this guy. Plus, he went to a cooler city, with more privacy for more money. Clemens? We've healed that wound when we came to the realization that he might be the best pitcher of all time (plus, that Cingular commercial is a hoot). Pettitte? Name a thing he has done to annoy you. Abreu? Do you even know his first name? Or what position he plays? Mussina? He went to Stanford and does crossword puzzles! Melky Cabrera? Robinson Cano? Stud young players who do nothing put play and shut up. I can understand hating Posada, but he's ugly so at least you always have that over him. The A-Rod hatred is acceptable, but you may not hate him in April of '08 when he is manning the hot corner at Fenway.

Which leaves us with the one guy that CAN be a little hated: Jeter. But I hate to tell you guys this. Jeter is the exact same guy as one of New Englands favorite sons. That's right, Jeter is Brady.

Think about it. They put up solid but never eye popping stats. They always say the right thing, but you get the sense that if it ever went bad quickly, they might snap. They both date hot chicks. You want them up in pressure situations. They are both considered good looking, even though they aren't good looking. And their greatest commonality: I think they are both tools.

So, you can hate Jeter. Thats fine. But you gotta hate Brady too.

Other than that, there's no one to hate. There's been no brawls in three years (and even then, there were more with Tampa). Wear a Red Sox hat in Manhattan and you'll be passed by without a cursry glance. Neither team says anything controversial, and most importantly, with the Wild Card, either squad can finish one/two in the division and STILL win the World Series.

In the end, the hating of the Yankees is stupid. It's out of syle, like the Macarena, jean shorts, or white keds (especially over is the latter two paired as an outfit). It's so..... 2004.

So unless you want to be as cool as bleached tip hair or barb wire tattoos, stop hating the Yankees. It's Jumped the shark. Just like 24 and Greys.

I've been watching Cinemax a bunch and I've decided that.....

The Departed really isn't that good. There is a ton wrong with it, but we'll start with this.

The movie didn't know what it wanted to be. Was it a comedy? A gangster film? A drama? Or a Shakespearean tragedy? Now, a movie does not have to fit into a specific category by any means, but William Monahan (the writer) tried to do too much. The film should have been much more streamlined. Many of the subplots were unneccessary (the love triangle) and others were just plain annoying (Damon needing the viagra). I liked a lot of the dialogue that Monahan created, but plot wise, he tried to do too much. He wanted to jam in myriad different stories, when really the film would have worked better if it focused more on the cat and mouse game between Damon and DiCaprio (as the much better Infernal Affairs did).

But the irritations continued. I've never taken screenwriting 101, but if I did, I bet that Professor Know-A-Lot-About-Film would tell you that the central character should NOT be killed off by a random dude who then has to turn and explain to the audience who he is. The same thing happened when Marky Mark killed Damon at the end. The movie snobs over at IMDb (to which I belong) call this the Deus Ex Machina (Wikipedia it. I had to). And once Wikipedia told me what that was, it made sense. It just seems like that Monahan painted himself into a corner.

Back to that cat and mouse thing I mentioned. The two best parts of the film were when Damon and DiCaprio were trying to catch one another. The chase scene through China Town and then the non verbal conversation (does that even make sense?) on Emilio Estevez's father's cell phone were phenomenal scenes. But instead of focusing on these scenes, we had to settle for over the top Jack scenes where he waved around severed hands and witty cop repartee between Alec and Marky Mark.

Those three complaints are my central ones, but I also have several others (it wouldn't be a blog if I weren't complaining, right?) that made the film extremely average.

Was it entirely necessary for Jack to play his Shining character crossed with his Colonel Jessup character? It was way too over the top, which I understand is what Jack does, but it's not a performance that will weather time. In fact, it is one that will be laughed at. It's tough to play a truly believable villain. Think about it. How many villanious charcaters have stood the test of time (I say Hans Gruber) and how many are hilarious jokes (I say Dennis Hopper in Speed. I'm not saying that Speed is The Departed, but it was extremely well reviewed. Check out its metacritic score.)? Jack as Whitey Bulger will be a hilarious joke.

It's trite to comment on accents, I know, but if you can't do it, just don't do it. Half of my born and raised Masshole friends DON'T have an accent. It doesn't need to be there for authenticity purposes. I mean, did Damon forget how to do his accent? Has he been spending too much time in South Beach? His was great in Good Will, and it was just too much in The Departed.

Also annoying were the "shocking deaths." It is always heart wrenching if somewhat predictable when the lovable secondary character dies (Goose, Obi Wan, Clint's partner in In The Line of Fire), and it always a shock when the main character dies (Vincent Vega, Hanks in Private Ryan), but when you kill EVERYONE, it is not shockin or heart wrenching. Instead it is an overcooked ham.

There was more, but you get the point. I'm just wondering why everyone likes this movie so much. The cast was phenomenal, but the performances were not AMAZING. Virtually every actor with the exception of Marky Mark was better in another film (unless you like Marky when he was fingering a pre I've-become-Julia-Roberts Reese Witherspoon). The writing was funny, but no funnier than in other crime dramas. The plot was interesting, but wasn't capitalized on. I think people like it here in Mass, because 1. It was in Mass and 2. It was about gangsters. Which is another story. For another blog.

But there have certainly been better Boston films (need I mention GWH again?) and there most have certainly been better gangster films (A Histroy of Violence did it much better just a year earlier).

In the end, I think all you Departed Super Fans gave it to the Lore of Marty, who I must admit, does nothing for me. But 2006 is literally one of the best years in film. Ever. There was United 93, Children of Men, Pans Labyrinth, The Illusionist, Inside Man, Notes On A Scandal, The Descent, Miami Vice, Borat, Army of Shadows, Letters From Iwo Jima, Half Nelson, Casino Royale, and Inland Empire. All were better. So that makes the deficiencies of The Departed even more annoying.

But at least the Departed was better than Little Miss Sunshine. Now THAT was a terrible movie and here's why.....