Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

It's called a break up because it is broken.

And this relationship is beyond repair.

I tried to make it work, I really did.

But I should have seen the fissures in the relationship two years ago when it really started to go south. But it was hard to do that. because I learned so much from my partner over the years. We spent so much quality time together and my dearly beloved brought me so much happiness and pleasure. For my partner introduced me to new people and I made new friends, some of which I still hold dear. But no matter how hard I tried and how badly I wanted to make it work, it just wasn't ever going to be the same. Really, it's been broken for months now, maybe even a year, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I tried to make it work; God how I tried. I would revisit my partner, hoping to rekindle some of the magic we once had. We would get drunk and hook up again, mostly in the car which is where we first made our relationship official. But no matter how hard I tried, the magic could not be rekindled and then, late this summer, I realized that I couldn't cling to the past and I officially had to move on.

I've been looking for a new partner, but they are not as pretty, nor will they ever give me the joys and memories I once shared with my first love. I need something to make me forget my old flame. Maybe there is a rebound relationship waiting out there for me or maybe I'll find something better, but for the here and now, I'm officially single. But I have to finally say this out loud. I need to realize that I am single and that it is over between me and my former flame. I have to admit that I have been lying to myself for the past two years and that I need to stop longing for the past and admit that what I had is gone and so I will do that now. I will bid my fair maiden goodbye once and for all because I know that it is truly over. So here I go...

WFNX... I am breaking up with you.

Officially.

In some ways, this has been my most challenging break-up. For anyone within seven or eight years of my age of 35, you know WFNX has meant something to us. And so to lose FNX is like losing everything. FNX was around before iTunes, before satellite radio, and before hipster blogs and music sharing services exposed us to new music. It was especially valuable if you were a moody high school kid growing up in Burlington, Massachusetts; because short of the recommendations of the long haired, pierced due at Newbury Comics; we had nothing. MTV played "Ice Ice Baby" and "U Can't Touch This" on a constant loop, hip hop was really starting to take off and hard rock was in the Dark Ages of Slaughter, Tesla, and Firehouse. Save for the release of Use Your Illusion I and Use Your Illusion II, the coolest music a 17 year old from an all white suburb could "discover" was a classic rock album by a band that WASN'T their greatest hits or maybe get a recommendation from a friends cool, older brother who was away at college.

And so WFNX was the perfect outlet for the late 80s/early 90s emo kid that I was (what did you call emo kids in that generation? We weren't hippies or skids... I guess we were just nerds who liked whiny music) and what an outlet it was. The station introduced me to everything from the Cure and Radiohead. to The Jesus and Mary Chain and Beck. FNX was also the first to play this song called "Fallin' Down" by a band with a funny name called the Goo Goo Dolls. Now granted, the Goo Goo Dolls are Kiss 108 staples, but back in the day, they were just a alt-rock band from Buffalo. I once saw on Behind The Music that that album sold 2100 copies and for those of you not in the know, that isn't a lot of albums to sell. Well, I had a copy and it was because of WFNX.

It was tough to maintain a relationship with FNX in college as their signal was weak, but we saw each other on summers and vacations. I caught up to Rage Against the Machine and Tool during those breaks. After college, the station remained a bastion of hipness (even though they did go through their dark Limp Bizkit period which is strangely, the same period they are going through now) breaking bands like Fatboy Slim, Blink-182, Coldplay, and The Killers. They are also responsible for some amazing one hit wonders and iPod playlist staples from bands like Lo-Fidelity All Stars, Powderfinger, and Primitive Radio Gods. Granted, these bands never "made it," but all have songs that I love that I would absolutely never have heard without FNX.

More recently, it has been easier to find music because of the internet and chat room word of mouth. And for music poseurs like my brother (he listens to bands that don't even exist yet), FNX became less of a tool that broke new music. But they still played The Killer's "When You Were Young" before you could get it on the web and they played Arcade Fire's "Black Mirror" long before it was available for commercial release. They also had The National, stellastarr*, and TV On The Radio in regular rotation (granted, it was for about two weeks) in recent years. And long before Kings of Leon was OMIGOD KINGS OF LEON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, "The Bucket" was an FNX regular.

But those days are long, long gone. Now, "new music" for FNX is Taking Back Sunday, Paramore, and AFI. And sure, they mix it up with old stuff. But it's the same, banal old stuff like Bush, The Beastie Boys, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Sublime, Soundgarden, and Stone Temple Pilots. Sure, I liked those bands at one time and I even like the new Pearl Jam song, but now?!? In 2009?!? On a station that claims to be "alternative," "independent" and "where new music starts?!?" Please. Save that stuff for WAAF.

I could ramble on about their hoorrific music selection for days or I could toss out the fact that we are also getting Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones on FNX, but more importantly, I just want o know one thing.

What the hell happened?!?

Where did it all go so wrong?!?

I mean, one minute WFNX and I are going out to great dinners, getting drunk all the time, having wild sex five times a night and then the next minute, WFNX is telling me I can't go out with my friends and they are wearing flannel pants and oversized sweatshirts everywhere. Now, if this were a slow build or we starting drifting apart, I'd get it. But it was just two years ago that I saw The National for free because it was a WFNX sponsored show. Now? I get a new song from The Offspring; relevance circa 1994.

I look for the turning point and it seems it happened when The Sandbox arrived. I wanted to like The Sandbox and even did for about twelve days. But I can't blame the dissolution of my relationship with WFNX solely on those three clowns because it goes much deeper than that. The introduction of Loveline at 10:00 was a killer, as was the obvious shift in programming. But, like any real relationship, what may have killed us is the introduction of a third party. or should I say, destruction of a third party. That third party being the end of WBCN.

When BCN ceased to exist, FNX (whose ratings have always been for shit) probably saw an opportunity to gain new listeners. And as pround as my non-conformist behavior as I am, I realize that a company can't be successful catering to the non-conformists. Unless you are Pabst. But FNX is not Pabst and so they saw an opportunity to gain new listeners, particularly among the 24-39 male demographic and so they changed everything around to get those 24-39 year olds. And while my age technically puts me in that demographic, my non-conformist behavior and hatred of Massholes makes me decidedly NOT part of that demographic. So where Stone Temple Pilots is really working for Frank Ford F-150, it is doing nothing for me.

But even more frustrating that not knowing where it all went wrong is the acceptance of blame phase. I want FNX to speak up and say, "You know what Big G, I don't like you anymore and I'm done with you, but yes, I did some things wrong too."

I want Paul Driscoll (he's got to be stewing about this, no?) to address these issues some night. I want the Friday music section of The Globe to do an interview with The Phoenix Media Group where they explain to me what is going on and acknowledge the change. I want someone from that station to stand up and say, "Dammit Big G, I LIKE flannel pants and big ugly sweatshirts and if you liked me too, you would accept me for who I am."

Granted, I won't accept them for who they are, but still I want answers. I NEED answers. I need to know how it went from so good to so bad and I want to know if they are happy with where they are because goddammit WFNX, if you are happy with the place you're in, then that is fine. I'll let you go. I won't like it, but I've fought and fought and fought for you and I can't do it anymore.

So what is a scorned ex-lover to do?!? Well, like I said, I'm officially radio single. I have thought about dating the fake titted, faux tanned, 24 year old blonde that is Satellite Radio. I thought about getting the biggest, most expensive package (pun intended) that XM or Sirius has and just drown myself in a sea of awesomeness. But would that really make me happy? For the time being it might, but I'll still never have that TRUE bond I had with FNX because my and satellite radios whole relationship will be a big fraud and we'll know it.

So for now, I guess I'll settle for the safe, J Crew sweater wearing, 28 year old, elementary school teacher who is a solid six or seven and utilize my iPod playlists for awhile.

But sooner or later, I'm going to go looking for something else; something perfect. I wish that could have been WFNX because they may have been The One, but when it's over... It's over.

Take care WFNX. I wish you nothing but the best. We had a great run and I'll forever be thankful for what you taught me both about myself and the music I adore.

But let me give you one piece of advice: Lose those stupid flannel pants that is your awful music because eventually, Ed Hardy wearing, Massachusetts Meatballs get old. You'll want something else. Something real. Something true.